Way To Go, Mr. Coffee

I use both hands now.

I was enthralled with his beautiful trust in me.

Way to go, Mr. Coffee. 

I did feel rather pushed around by both of them.

Yes, I'm that person.

I make it a point to not take for granted the life I am living.

To achieve such a glorious experience.

His body was indeed mine to care for. 

In such an intimate exchange.

I found it to be one of those moments.

Where everything happens at the perfect time.

And the only result is gratitude.

If we're listening to music in the car.

I will get obsessed with a song I love.

And play it again and again.

I had no idea that she actually understood traffic signals. 

Wars, foreign policies, economic meltdowns, immigration laws.

Back to back endlessly to my hearts delight then I will go.

Cheers to anybody who takes on English as a second language.

Remind the DJ I would like to hear it again.

State of the union addresses, military budgets, pomp.

Closed door meetings, state secrets, police forces.

Fear.

It can be confusing.

Singing along, tapping along with the beat. 

Either kicking his legs.

All point to what Jesus referred to as the Kingdom of the World.

We have quite the collection outside the front door. 

Since sticks are not allowed inside.

Though this statement is not new to me.

It is a new revelation of times before

Did you ever consider the humble kite as such a nice lesson in worldliness? 

Hopefully they heal fast though.

Acceptance is the best heart's defense.

It means that you can find the serenity within to let go of the past. 

With its mistakes and regrets.

No matter how dark the situation.

Move into the future with a new perspective. 

And appreciate the opportunity to take a second chance.

No arms to wrap around someone. 

No hands to experience touch. 

Or to hold another hand with.

My mind is consumed with no other thoughts.

Let me always hold on to the steady light of hope.

I'm Sorry. 

Life is swamping me right now.

Still waiting.

Still believing.

Word Compilations

Most of my writings lately have been just trains of thought. 
That jump between happy and devastating moments in life.

It's not dark outside yet, but I'm sure that now the sun is setting faster than before.
Except, not really because the Earth is revolving just as fast as it was this morning.
And the day before and the day before. 

We still make paper hats together. 
We put mustaches on people because it reminds us of you. 
I love this daydream

Laugh.
Crying isn't weak.
It's my vice. 
We're all stupid...

I just have so much insecurity on my own, it's hard to reassure myself and someone else. 
Just making sure he didn't stop existing. 
Because then I would have to run through the streets crying to get across town to his house. 
And frankly that it was more sad than I could ever deal with.  

To double check.

We learn together.
Grow together.
And understand each other. 

Just to let yourself be you. 
And you're getting stronger.

I wish you could see things I do.
You're not going to follow my train of thoughts tonight... 
They're more like segways than trains.  
To move on from here. 


I want them to learn to trust me.
I've never been too fond of them. 
Purple cups.
I will always listen.

Scrambled is the way for me.  
Going every direction.  
It's my way of thinking and communicating and breathing.

With words.
Poetry brought us together.
I've fallen in love with you.

Question.
If you were perfect, would I have ever managed to deserve you?
You are perfect in my eyes.
Because you aren't.  


You can go places and do anything you want.
You give me hope and inspiration.

I can control my natural instinct of in taking breath.

What do I do now?

I Have A Dying Remote

My new discovery, which makes you really happy is that you can add a location to your blog posts as well as have statistics about page views on your blog. This makes me really happy. But, with this background and design, unfortunately, you aren't able to see when I post, say from, Portland, OR. It doesn't show up at the bottom of the post. And I wish you could.

So perhaps it's time for some more change, because I'm indesisive, and like exploring. Maybe I'll find a template that shows the location at the bottom. And maybe I'll do some location crazy when I do some blogging. Walk down to the library, post from there. Head to my aunt's house, and blog from there. Maybe I'll head to a Starbucks in Portland, and blog from there.

But for today, I suppose I'll just blog from home. Because, even though the weather has cooled down, I'm not up to much walking. But I should soon get my bike back, I haven't made it down there to ride it back home. But before the summer ends, perhaps I'll grab it. I need it for the start of school anyway.

Or maybe, my dear Mother if you still read this, you'll give me a ride to Bay every morning because you know you love me and you should be up by seven in the morning in general. You could get to the office early, talk to Russ and go through e-mails that I know accumulate over the week from 0 to 5 million. (We also still need to check on the bus information to see if the bus number changes or anything else. All I know is that I need to be there at 7.)

[Also, Mom, if my Google Calender still shows up with yours on your phone, maybe, maybe not. I'm adding some events, like your Linfield Alumni thing, library book sale and WACAP thing.]

Anyways, what's new in the world of mine? Let's see.

1. I've got a pair of cowboy boots, that fit me well and that I will definately be wearing more often, maybe when it's not quite so hot outside, but definitely some day during the Fair. Because I love them! Granted, I might need some thicker socks or just one band aid for my heel, but other than that, they're pretty darn amazing.
2. I'm still eating three meals a day instead of two. I'm actually waking up in time to call it breakfast instead of lunch. Thank you new sleeping patter. I got a nice 8 hours of sleep and am feeling less sleepy than usual. 
3. Lately, I've been drinking more water, which is good during the summer. I think it's because of my color changing water bottle. When there's cold water, it's orange, and when the water warms, it slowly turns back to white. I find it really fun to have when there's ice cubes in it.
4. I'm watching the Maury show, and I'm really confused as to why no one knows who their baby's daddy is. They just can't keep it straight. Are the movies teaching us infidelity, or do people really just find interest in someone else that fast? Some of these people have has 10 DNA paternity tests and still don't know who the father is. When I have a baby, I sure as hell will know who my baby's father is.
5. You're online, but I'm still waiting for you to start the conversation. I'm not sure why, but, that's just how it is. You usually start it, and I wait for it. I sometimes feel like I may be interrupting. I mean, your status is set on busy. Are you still being a moody teenager?
6. Boston, I'm waiting for your blog posts, because I love reading them, they're so poetic. And compared to what I write, seemingly more interesting to me. Maybe because reading about your own life isn't as interesting as reading about others. You know what I mean? We like gossip about others, but not about ourselves.
7. This book I'm reading has my hooked, and I only started it this morning and have read 256 pages out of 337 pages. So, I reckon I'm pretty far along. It's Western romance novel, so it goes well with my cowboy boots. And I don't mind reading the sections describing Jake. (Hehehe. I wouldn't mind if you were more like him. Just kidding.)
8. I have found that I really like the sound the keyboard makes when I type really fast, it makes me feeling like I should be in an office typing up some documents for my boss. And I like that feeling, and the sound. Maybe if my plans don't work out, I'll be an assistant, because you know, I'm good at organizations and working with phones and computers. Mommy, I'll be a secretary! Does that sound better than, "Mommy, I want to be a cowgirl!"?
9. I'd like to head out west and ride some horses. But I wont have to do that, I'll just ask my mom if she'll take me to my aunts, and perhaps I can ride Moon still. She's getting old, but I think she's still young enough to be ridden. I'll have to ask Mike.
10. There are sounds outside my window, and I'm having some trouble judging the distance between them and my window. Like if it's cars on the street, or going up the big hill toward Safeway. Or if it's a car or a truck. And why is there a baby whining? Last night I heard kids shrieking. And I'm sure it was coming from next door.

My TV is old, the kinds with anteaeas and with a built in VHS player. Which might explain why the remote is falling apart. The back is missing, you know, the part that keeps the batteries in? And you can break it apart so it looks something like this. It happens when it accidentially gets knocked off the bed. And the batteries skatter as well. My poor old remote.

A Sensation

Whenever Sammi writes something, I'm always trying to figure out what it may mean, but I never understand. It never makes sense. But, there's a part of me that wishes that I could write like her. That I could say something and leave someone completely baffeled. Yet at the same time, I like it when people can understand what I'm saying.

Screw some of those words strung together that sound poetic but leave this huge vauge questioning about what it could mean. Pssh to the double meanings and the triple meanings. I've tried finding the true meaning and come up with thousands, none of which fit. Is this your way of telling me to become more educated and think less logically, and more metaphorically?

Maybe when I live a little less of a fruitless life, maybe then I'll understand the meaning. And the purpose. Maybe then I'll understand where I am on this Earth. Where I was placed for everyone to see and to look at. Maybe, just maybe. But there are too many mabyes in this world, and not enough certainty.

I had a talk with my mom today while we were driving into Salt Lake City, and it was about the Book or Mormon. And really, it's not that old. And the thought of some angel coming down and handing hime gold plates to translate just seems really... Well, it seems silly to me. It's been less than 200 years.

And things that happened in those books... And the places they talk about. I can't go to those places, I can't see those things. There is no refference except the supposed gold plates for him to translate. But the Bible, there is provided references. These places are real.

But I still don't believe that the world was created in seven days. We evolved over time, and then we did some more evolving. And then a little more.It's just how history is shown. History in the making. "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift." -- Elenore Roosevelt.

So let's be Zen and just let nature talk to us, teach is wisdom through meditation and becoming one with the spirits. The only way to gain wisdom is through nature, and the only walk to speak to nature is though meditiations. So, maybe I'll meditate. And maybe I'll gain wisdom as to who I am and what my purpose is.

Maybe some sleep will clear up my mind from it's fogged state. Fog like that of a room crowded with smokers that light up each time their previous burns out. Like the haze of hairspray that overly sprizted around the room when my mom is getting ready for work. Or like the smog from the factory we passes in Utah that blew it's toxic fumes across the flat lands, growing until it reached the level height of the hill like flat top mountains.

Maybe I'll drink some more water. But the condensation that has collected is spill down the sides, hitting my legs whenever I go to take a swig. The water is still cold and I can tell that because the part of the water bottle that still has melted ice in it is still orange, and the top where water hasn't been for awhile has faded back into white.

I feel like bugs are crawling all over me, but only because of the show I'm watching. Bugs covered her bed, and crawled over her. And now I feel like bugs are crawling on my skin and the need to brush them off is huge. But I know I'm just imagining things. It was only the sight that made my skin feel like it was manafestied with creepy crawlies.

The feeling is similar to, but less pleasent, than the feeling of air moving across your leg when you pull it out of the water after dangling it over the edge into the pool water. It's less of a cold feeling, and more of just... And odd tingly sensation. But that's all everything really is.

A sensation.
And lovely one.
A hurtful one.
A scary one.
An... unpredictable one.
It's only a sensation.
Of the heart.
Of the mind.
Of the soul.

Helloooooo.

Hello to my Followers.

I see that we have a new follower, and actually, a few that I don't know. I'd like to know more about me, since I'm sure that you can find quite a few things about me in these writing rants and ramblings. Perhaps you'll e-mail me about some things. I'll listen to what you have to say.

I'm sorry I don't have much to write anymore, my mind is focusing more on American Dad, and blowing bubbles with my chewing gum. Maybe I'll write later tonight. Then again, maybe I wont. Wait... It's not even night yet here in Nebraska.

Moutain Standard Time(s)

10:00 pm (Mountain Standard Time)July 15, 2010

We're almost there, and basically no where near it, but I suppose that's okay, we'll be there soon enough. But for now we're sleeping in a Motel 6 in Twin Falls, Idaho. And after a wonderful dinner of macaroni and cheese, I don't really care, although I'm ready to be there.

And at the same time, I'm ready to be going home and being excited for Fair. My mind will be perpetually stuck in the future waiting for what's next. heck, to admit it, I'm excited for the day I pick out my wedding dress and I haven't even graduated from high school.

I'm only in high school. And I want the life that comes high school and hopefully past college. (Wait. What? That didn't make sense, what was I trying to write in the sentence?)I'm just stuck in the future. [Funny considering I'm in a different time zone.] I like that "what if"s and the everything that happens, you know? And also, I find that having something to look forward to makes breathing for another day that much easier.

But I haven't found myself wishing that I wasn't breathing, I've been glad to be waking up and talking to Aaron, and I'm anxious on those days when he says that he's able to come over. I really like those days. But there wont be any in the next 11 days. I wish there was.

More than that,I wish that I hadn't last, not really night but morning. The stress got to me, and hearing over and over again that I'm not really doing something right. It really makes it hard to be in my bubbly persona. It's easier to beat myself up and fall back into a state of semi-self-loathing.

I sometimes think that that state is more comfortable for me than being happy, bubbly and learning to love me? I wish I could actually love me. But I'm tired of seeing seeing them and creating new ones. I'm tired of looking at my reflection in the mirror.

I SUCK IN. I'm honestly not that thin. But I think I'm okay with that. Going back to where I can see my ribcage brings back bad memories from fifth grade. So I'm okay with a little pudge(that you may or may not see.) 

Yet, although I'm sitting in the car all day and basically eating fast food, I'm still, like, dropping weight like an anvil dropped on Wiley Coyote's head. And it's nice, but it's slightly odd for me. I suppose I'll deal.


Maybe I'll exercise more. It's not about being thin for me, it's about being more in shape is what I'm aiming for. I'd like to be able to run the track like I did in sixth grade with Alex.

Today I went swimming, and I'll do it everyday that I can at Doane. I'll swim laps back and forth like I did when I was on a swim team or doing life guard training. And maybe when I get home, I'll do more walking. Aaron and I will walk backwards down to the Waterfront like we said we would but ended up not doing.


(Maybe we can back down to the place you took me on the day of prom?)Because I'd like that. Because I really love him. Life would be crazy, and back into depression I'd slip. Breathing wouldn't be easy at all. The hardest thing on Earth. And I'd be living in the past. Living it over and over and over again.

5:52 pm (MST) 7-16

Starting here and ending there.

But where to start and where do we end?

Do I start where I was born, the tip of my tongue or the back of my mind? Do I start with a word, phrase, sentence, or quote? What about my own two feet, a scooter, a bike, or a nice red truck? I could start with a purple Skittle and end with a green, or a red cherry Starburst and end with a yellow lemon one. 

So. Where do I start?

I think I'll start with a memory. I just have to think of one that maybe has a point. But at the moment the only thing going through my mind, if I'm not making it up, is the time I stayed in Sunriver with my grandparents. We went swimming, and I told my grandpa to put on sunscreen, he didn't and got a sun burn.

Now I'm not sure what the point of that story was, but I don't care. It's something. And, you know, I don't think that I've ever had a sun burn. Do you know what's like to have one? I bet it hurts. However, we, like onions, have layers of skin. So, at least we know that it'll grow back. And sometimes, don't sunburns just get tan?

I've been wearing my jacket all weekend (well, the past two days, it's not the weekend yet.) I don't have a summer tan yet, but for some odd reason, I kind of what no tan or a Farmer's tan. Lol. I know, I'm such a weirdo, but it's truth.

Beauty

Beauty is only skin deep. And if people don't want to take the time to really get to know you, they don't know how truly beautiful you are. Everyone can achieve perfection, by being themselves. And learning to love what they have.

Beauty is an ecstacy; it is as simple as hunger. There is really nothing to be said about it.

- W. Somerset Maugham

 

The beauty of the animal form is in exact proportion to the amount of moral and intellectual virtue expressed by it.

- John Ruskin

 

It's engraved into our brains that we must be these stick figures. And they take someone like a size 4 and tell them to be a 0 or a 2. As if that isn't small enough. The average size for women is 14.  

There isn't really a need to be smaller, is there? There's isn't a reason to cake your face with makeup to hide something that you don't think is beautiful. I think that sometimes makeup makes you look worse. Today my mom told me that she wasn't going to wear makeup tomorrow, and that made me really happy.

You could be size 0, and wear tons of makeup and have the most expensive fashion in-style clothing, and I might still consider you ugly. Ugly runs through your bones. You're probably thinking that you're this amazing person, and yay for the confidence boost. But, vanity. Sometimes I think that people think too much of their self. 

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

-- Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare

 

Beauty by Dru Hill 

Sorry, didn't notice you there
But then again you didn't notice me
So we'll remain passers by
Until the next time we speak
I hope that I can make you mine
'For another man steals your heart
And once your beauty is mine
I swear we will never be apart

Walks by me every day
Her and love are the same
The woman that's stolen my heart
And beauty is her name
I'm hoping I can make you mine
'For another man steals your heart
And once your beauty is mine
I swear we will never be apart

It didn't take much time to think about
But I didn't want to move too fast
Cuz I knew that when I saw you again
That I wouldn't wanna let you pass
Cuz my eyes have seen the glory
In the coming of your smile
So I swear if you ever come 'round again
Please stay for a while

Walks by me every day
Her and love are the same
The woman that's stolen my heart
And beauty is her name

I'm hoping I can make you mine
'For another man steals your heart
And once this beauty is mine
I swear that we'll never be apart

You are so beautiful
When I'm down and out
I never seem to get tired
Tired of your love
Cuz you are wonderful

You're wonderful
I'm just dying to make you see
Anything you want inside your heart
You can find right here inside of me
Walks by me every day
Her and love are the same
The woman that's stolen my heart
And beauty is her name

I'm hoping I can make you mine
'For another man steals your heart
And once this beauty is mine
I swear we will never be apart

Walks by me every day
Her and love are the same
The woman that's stolen my heart
And beauty is her name

I'm hoping I can make you mine
'For another man steals your heart
And once this beauty is mine
I swear we will never be apart

Walks by me every day
Her and love are the same
The woman that's stolen my heart
And beauty is her name 

Windows

Lately My dog has taken to sitting in the window and barking at dogs and people that go by.

Educational Purposes Only

I'm not sure what to write anymore.

Like my thoughts have run dry,

and the rain hasn't come yet.

The rain hasn't filled my mind,

not with witty thoughts, nor silly thoughts.

It's a blank slate, wipped clean.

But this isn't Jessen's room,

where no one has written on the board.

This is like Olson's room,

where pens must not be wasted, 

and there's only a blank web diagram there.

Because it's for teaching,

and only that.

It's for educational purposes.

And that's its only purpose.

Like a car, that's meant for driving.

But let's take a risk,

listen to music while driving.

Draw silly pictures while teaching.

Go out on a limb,

and if it breaks and you fall,

your friends will catch you, or you'll catch yourself.

There's something that Christopher Robin taught us.

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...

There is something you must always remember. 

You are braver than you believe, 

stronger than you seem, 

and smarter than you think. 

But the most important thing is, 

even if we're apart... 

I'll always be with you.”

Reset

Days Free: 43 Reset to: 0

I was doing so well. I really was. But now I'm afraid to sleep. Sometimes what we think is a dream turns out to be real. I don't remember breaking the count consciously, but I dreamed about it. And I suppose that counts. It's my subconscious talking.

Maybe I'll go exercise? It's time for change. By the end of the summer, I'll weigh less. I hope. Anyways, I just went and jumped rope for about 15 minutes, came in and threw up. I think I'm on to something. Abs and losing weight becomes easier! :P I don't feel so good. But, I'm jumping rope tomorrow.

It's time for change. Time to reset.

Baby You Can Drive My Car

Gosh, if I had a party and I had to give someone dirrections from a certain point, it would sound a lot like that. Like no kidding. I'm really bad at giving directions.

Good thing I'm not responisble for driving, yet? Driving driving driving. I can't wait until I can drive, that would be nice, not having to take the bus everywhere. Drive wherever I want to whenever I want to.Gosh, that makes me excited.

Boston, maybe I'll blog during vacation. I'm not sure yet. I think I'll bring my laptop, and maybe I'll have wifi. I'll take pictures and upload some on here. Who knows. I have time to think about it. I'll worry later about what's going to happen. But you know, you can always call or text me.

Drive My Car -- The Beatles

Asked a girl what she wanted to be
She said baby, can't you see
I wanna be famous, a star on the screen
But you can do something in between

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I'm gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I'll love you

I told that girl that my prospects were good
she said baby, it's understood
Working for peanuts is all very fine
But I can show you a better time

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I'm gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I'll love you

Beep beep'm beep beep yeah

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I'm gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I'll love you

I told that girl I can start right away
When she said listen babe I got something to say
I got no car and it's breaking my heart
But I've found a driver and that's a start

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I'm gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I'll love you
Beep beep'm beep beep yeah
Beep beep'm beep beep yeah
Beep beep'm beep beep yeah
Beep beep'm beep beep yeah
Beep beep'm beep beep yeah

Wanna know something funny, I learned this song from the Soundtrack with songs all sung by Elmo. He was a big part of my life. Haha. Sesame Street. The Cookie Monster says "Nom nom nom." I bet it's where the saying came from.

Find A Picture and Write

I would love to find this coffee cup. Because I would buy it. Everyone is always able to find cool coffee cups, and all I have are the ones that match our dishes. And one with a penguin on it for Christmas time. And one with photos of Vancouver, Washington that I got from the (now ex) Mayor for my birthday.

So, when I'm older, I'm not getting sets of dishes. Heck no, I'm getting things that don't match. Because that's the best way to do it. Why always eat off white plates when you could eat of blue one day and orange the next? Why match the cups with the plates if you can have a yellow cup and a purple cup? I like restaurants that don't have all the same plates. It makes me happy, and when the napkins are different colors, that's amazing as well.

I'm thinking that this should be a tend, like not wearing the same colored socks. You know? I used to think, Crap, they don't match. But now, it's "in." No one will laugh because they don't match. It'll just be that way. Hehe. Memory time: Last year, in humanities, when the map guy came. We had a debate over what color my socks were. Aaron, I still think they were olive green, not neon. (Just sayin'.)

Sammi would look good in a green dress. It's totally her color. Like a deep shade of olive green, that's her. Something like... That? Does that seem like something Sammi would wear? I had this discussion with her and my mom awhile back, like Winter Formal time?

I was looking through photos from around that time, gosh, I miss my long hair, however the high lighted part didn't look so great. I fear I'm like Caity, I like changing my hair. I want to dye it a deeper black. But, I'm pretty much set on growing it out right now. I'll probably cut it maybe junior or senior year. Or maybe I'll just keep growing it out and never cut it because I like the longer length. It's just a pain in the butt during the summer.

I was about to ask, "Do you know what it's like to shower with long hair?" But, no, I doubt you would. Unless Sammi still reads this, then she would. Anyway, it's not exactly the easiest thing to do when you want to get all the soap out. How does Megan do it? That aside, I think I'll still grow out my hair. But maybe I'll get tired of it in future summers and give up. I mean, black long hair in summer. Gahhhh. Not the best thing.

Plus, it can easily be pulled on. When girls fight it seems they always go for hair pulling, like on Jerry Springer. And even as bad as that show is, I like it? There's always something to take away from it. Like, don't cheat. That's mainly what it's showing you. It's not good to cheat. But, Jerry's Final Thought always has a good message.

Although, you'd expect it not even have a good message because it promotes violence as a way to solve your problems. But it's not a way to solve problems. Violence is not the answer. Try sitting down and talking things over a nice cup of coffee. In a nice funny mug. Maybe things will work out better if you drink out of coffee cups like this one.

That one's not really the right humor is it? Let's see if I can find another one. Would an animal work? Something like the monkey? Or sexual references, or politics? Maybe that's not the right approach. Let's see... Maybe something more like this one?

I'm Trying

I love you, baby. ♥

Independence Day

According to the movie playing, in the Hundred Acre Woods, it's actually winter. And there's a snow storm. But I guess they're just a little behind. Anyways, Happy Fourth of July.

Independence Day -- Martina McBride

Well she seemed all right by dawn's early light
Though she looked a little worried and weak
She tried to pretend he wasn't drinkin' again
But daddy left the proof on her cheek
I was only eight years old that summer
And I always seemed to be in the way
So I took myself down to the fair in town
On Independence Day

Well word gets a round in a small, small town
They said he was a dangerous man
Mama was proud and she stood her ground
But she knew she was on the losin' end
Some folks whispered and some folks talked
But everybody looked the other way
And when time ran out there was no one about
On Independence Day

Let Freedom ring, let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today is a
Day of reckoning
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away, Let the guilty pay, It's
Independence Day

Well she lit up the sky that fourth of July
By the time that the firemen come
They just put out the flames
and took down some names
send me to the county home
Now I ain't sayin' it's right or it's wrong
But maybe it's the only way
Talk about your revolution
It's Independence Day

Let Freedom ring, let the wight dove sing
Let the whole world know that today is a
Day of reckoning
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away, Let the guilty pay, It's
Independence Day

Roll the stone away
It's Independence Day

I Wish I Lived By This

I thought I'd share this Buddhist Prayer:

"When someone is wronged,
he must aside 
all resentment 
and  say, 
'My mind shall not 
be disturbed;
no angry word
shall escape me lips;
I will remain kind
and friendly,
with loving thoughts
and no secret spite."

What. Is. This?

I'm not a vegitarian? I guess...

"The original pack of Skittles doesn't contain the color blue. Therefore, you CAN'T actually taste the rainbow.
Skittles also contain shellac and gelatin, which are both derived from animals. So, vegetarians and vegans can't eat skittles. The gelatin also frequently comes from pigs, so eating skittles would violate the eating restrictions for observant Jews and Muslims. "

I love Skittles too much.

Love

So, I thought I'd let you know that the next time that you ask me, I'll just have you remember this. But only in the joking sort of way, because you should know that I really do love you. And I'm glad that me heart didn't give me any other choice. And even if it had, I still would've picked you. I'm 99.99% sure. Just like germ killing soap and hand sanatizers.

200 Days of Summer? Lol. No.

This is the 200th post on this blog. Can you believe that? I made it to 200! Wow, this blog feels old. None of my other blogs have quite lasted this long, they died somewhere after I hit like 20 or 30? So, I'm proud that this blog has stuck around so long.

Perhaps I'll celebrate by making some pasta? I mean, there's always mac and cheese around the house. And I haven't really eaten. I know I should, so maybe I will.

This morning didn't go so great, but this afternoon was spent the best way possible. With a loved one. And Mr. Henry, you're right, I am in a much better mood when I stay out of the house. But, I also am less annoyed with some people when I stay in the house listening to music cuddled up in my favorite blanket. I think each has its pros and each has its cons.

So, let's see. Here a few things that have been rather prominent in my summer so far.

1. Laundry.
2. Sleep. (It only seems that way.)
3. Music.
4. Sammi.
5. Aaron.
6. Dishes.
7. Dogs.
8. Sun.
9. Cold Nights.
10. Blankets.
11. Bruises. (I am a clutz.)
12. Texting.
13. Friendship bracelets. 
14. Flip flops.
15. Books? Not really.
16. Quotes.
17. Games.
18. Facebook.
19. Gmail.
20. Blogs.
21. Writing.
22. Water.
23. Purple cups.
24. Internet (failures).
25. I love yous.
26. Calculators.
27. Makeup?
28. Cameras. Well, not really.
29. Keys.
30. Markers.
31. Art supplies.
32. Noodles.
33. Headaches.
34. Lotion.
35. Sunscreen.
36. Plaid.
37. Shorts.
38. Boston.
39. Batteries.
40. Glue Bottles.
41. Blue pens.
42. And black ones, too.
43. Folders.
44. Post-its.
45. Carpets.
46. Coffee.
47. Boxes (including random containers).
48. Emotions.
49. No order.
50. Cleaning products.

Um, yeah, that's been a lot of my summer.

The Wonders of the Internet

I was on hulu today, and it was just really funny to find America's Most Smartest Model. And Boston, I thought you might be interested in how hilarious I find this. It's just so dumb. But it's one of those dumb shows that are just so stupid it's addicting. I don't feel like writing. I've done quite a bit lately. So, these I'm going to keep short.

What?

Magic 8 Ball-Personality : Cool and Mysterious Just like a Magic 8 Ball, it takes a lot of effort before anybody can actually reach out to you. Your illusive and mysterious ways earns you feel friends but a lot of gossips. It'll require a person of highest passion to be able to thaw your icy exterior and get close to you.

Purity-Your mask is purity. You are always trying to be true to yourself. You don't care what others think is right or wrong, you always use your own judgment to decide. You often ignore the millions of rules people are trying to place on the way you should live your life, because you know they are meaningless and that you are a good person. Your intentions are usually pure, whether it's wanting to do something nice for someone, or just take some time for yourself. You understand that pure isn't perfect. You get angry, jealous, mean, sometimes stubborn, but you are who you are, and your mask isn't trying to hide it; it's just helping you get by the life you love and enjoy.

(Palm Reading) Wealthy and prosperous life- Wealthy and prosperous life: Your hand indicates that you'll have a life free from mundane tasks and dissatisfactions. You will live a rich life and are generously compensated for what you do for a living. Financial worries will not be a big concern for you at any point of your future horizon and you should feel lucky for it!

*DREAMER*-You are a dreamer, and thats awesome because you are unique. You think outside the norm. you have a high intelligence because you arent conformed by what society tells you. you are an individual and you need to put your thoughts into action to be satisfied with this life. be who you are dont be afraid for those who believe in themselves are leaders. dream big and work hard to achieve your goals.

(Element) Mysical, Faithful Wind-You are free sprited and can't be kept in a cage! You love to enjoy the breeze of Autumn, and the leaves swirling around you. You don't really stand out, and only lead when your comrads need you most. Otherwise, you just kind of blend, which, in some instances, can be good! Even so, try to make more of an imprint. You are very care-free and like to be free! You would be a good counseler, doctor or author! Your emotions change with your surroundings.

Rat-Your soul craves deep dark places filled with all your worldly goods and crowds of family and friends. Deep inside, all you want from life is a full belly and a mess of kids. You might not be the most appealing person, but you are a great parent and can survive and even thrive in any situation.

I'm a piggy.
I'm a Libra on the cusp of a Virgo.

Boys Like Girls

I have to say that I really like Boys Like Girls. They're an amazing band. (And some members aren't that bad looking? I'm not sure exactly what's "good lookin'." But never mind, I just like the guy in the white shirt because he has amazing blue eyes. And I always fall for the guys with the wonderful eyes. Plus, it's a bonus when they're a pretty blue. Even though everyone likes blue eyes, I don't feel like a conformist.)



If You Could See Me Now -- Boys Like Girls (In case you didn't know.)

The nights grow cold
I'm growing older
everyday you're gone
is more lonesome than the last one
I've spent all this time
without you in my life
and you're still on my mind
nothing ever feels alright

I'm tired of being alone
why don't you just come home
because i miss you so
and i want you to know

if you could see me now
we could move on somehow
if you could travel all the miles again
if you could just see me now
you wouldn't have a doubt
we could just start this love all over
and forget all the things we know
if you could see me now
somehow

everything i said
wasn't what i meant
i hope you can forget
and i can leave all my regrets
behind tonight
and catch a flight to Boston
and come start a new life
and this time we can do it right

I'm tired of being alone
why don't you just come home
because i miss you so
and i want you to know

if you could see me now
we could move on somehow
if you could travel all the miles again
if you could just see me now
you wouldn't have a doubt
we could just start this love all over
and forget all the things we know
if you could see me now
somehow

if you could see me now
we could move on somehow
if you could travel all the miles

if you could see me now
we could move on somehow
if you could travel all the miles again
if you could just see me now
you wouldn't have a doubt
we could just start this love all over
and forget all the things we know
if you could see me now
we could move on somehow
if you could travel all the miles again
if you could see me now
somehow

Food Makes Me Laugh

Apples seem to just be the most ridiculous things. Ever. I think they're tasty. Just like you. ;) Anyways... Apple poetry time! Ah, kindergartners are just so funny.

High Apples

Way up high in an apple tree
Two little apples smiled at me
I shook that tree as hard as I could.
Down came the apples,
M-m-m they were good!  

Bananas are also really awesome, but they have that yucky after taste, so I don't eat them. Plus, the texture bugs me. It's so... Mushy. And I feel like gag reflexes should kick in. This banana is really creepy, don't you agree? Does it make you want to eat a banana right now? And to think parents told us not to play with our food. That's so silly. I'm not sure where my mind is tonight, or why I can't get the format to stop centering what I write. It just wont. But, that doesn't bother me much. I suppose? Anyways, perhaps later I'll talk about carrots and... What's a food that starts with D? Dates? I guess dates would work. (Especially on a Friday night. *ba-dump-shhh*)

Nothing.

This year I'm going to be good and not spend the summer sleeping. That is all.

One Day...

One of these days I'll be a writer, or rather a published author. And I'll dedicate my book to Ms. White,
 Ms. Jessen, family members and friends. I'll say this is for everyone that's ever believed in me. Because, you know, without their help, I woudn't have continued writing, so really it only makes sense to me. Does it make sense to you?

One of these days perhaps I'll be a famous singer, because it's always been apart of my life, be that as it may... I've never really been a performer. On my last solo, I forgot the words, maybe that's why I didn't continue. But if I do become famous, it'll be because of Mr. Smith, Ms. Songprice, my mom, Ms. Amy Grant and of course Mrs. Teresa Swanson. Those people really helped me.

Maybe I'll be a photographer, because working in the darkroom just seems natural, but film photography is dying out, so maybe not. But if I did become famous, perhaps I'll thank Galeno, at least for the supplies. But maybe for just being horrible at frist and pushing me to improve and gain the praise I thought I deserved.

There's a slim chance I'll be a famous dancer, even if I do enjoy it, I just get hurt too much. Plus, I can't point my toes, nor can I really be that coordinated. I'm not a huge fan of trying new things. But who knows, but the end of next year I'll have three years dance and I really still want to take tap. But being in a class with six year olds is stopping me. 

There's an even slimmer chance that one day I'll be an actress. I suck at memorizing things, and don't do well at standing up in front of large audiences. And stage make up gets annoying, and also, the thousands of hours of rehearsal, I wouldn't be up for that. I want something else out of life.

But I know one day there wont be anything keeping me from being totally carefree and happy.

Sometimes I Wish That Life Was A Little Easier, You Know?

Do you still happen to read Boston's blog? He's telling me to keep him from crying on Tuesday because then he wont be happy. But, how do you keep someone from crying if you'll most end up just like them? Crying because you saw how emotional they got?

I've been pretty good about keeping my emotions in check when it comes to Tuesday. But, it's all crumbling, faster than I can find the paste to glue it back together. Maybe I'll just use frosting, it seems sweeter, and I like sugar coated things.

But everything about Tuesday now seems bittersweet, and I'm losing my composer. It's basically the end. The closer it gets, the more I want to stay, the more scared I am to leave. Yet at the same time, I'm extremely excited for next year and ready for summer.

What's with these mixed emotions? Let's just be happy or just be sad. Or better yet, let's not feel either emotion and just be. I'm tired of the freaking roller coaster that I can't get off of. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm content. I'm everything in between. And I'm sick of it, my annoyed state I suppose it kicking in. And it's been in an abundance this year. Which is horrible for people that have to deal with me.

I hope I haven't been too nit-picky this year. Most people don't like dealing with people like me. They think I'm obnoxious and odd. But I'm not. Just most of the time, I'm misunderstood. And that's all it is.

And maybe that's all it'll ever be. I mean, does anyone really ever always understand a single person? Or is it just... You have to explain everything, and that's how they learn. Maybe it's how we all learn and grow, meaning the most important lesson in life is learning to understand what people are trying to tell you.


But maybe it's not that simple, because it never is. Just one thing: Boston, keep me from crying on Tuesday. We should be happy.

Solo Por Ti -- Gosh Groban

Di me qué haría de mis días,
I gave myself, what I would do with my days
quien soñaría si no estas?
Who will dream if you are gone?
Cómo podría respirar el aire, lejos de ti.
How could I breath the air, far from you
Cuando no estas aquí.
When you aren't here...

Solo por ti, caminaría
Only for you, I would walk
en la infinidad.
Through infinity
Afrontaría
I would confront
contigo la eternidad.
eternity with you
Solo por tí...
Only for you

Di me lo que siente tu alma,
Tell me what you feel in your soul
dime por qué vive en mi.
Tell me why you do not live within me,
No se pero voy muriendo lento
I do not know, but I am dieing slowly
Solo sin tí.
alone without you.
Triste me quedo así...
sadly I will be this way

Solo por tí, caminaría
en la infinidad.
Afrontaría
contigo la eternidad.
Solo por tí.

Te daré mil poesías,
I will give you a thousand poems
las escribiré para tí.
I will write them for you
Cantaré mis melodías,
I will sing my melodies
con la música de tu alma...
with the music of your soul

Solo por tí,caminaría
en la infinidad.
Afrontaría,
contigo la eternidad...

Solo por ti,caminaría
Only for you, I will walk
en la infinidad.
through the infinity
Afrontaría,
I would confront
amar por la eternidad...
Loving for eternity
Yo solo, solo por tí...
I am only, only for you.

Can This Just Be The End?

Dear Boston,

Today started off good. I mean, besides the person that always copies off my work getting upset because "suddenly" she didn't understand and she exclaimed, "I hate math!" And proceeded to not work. Also, did you know Avery and Hudson went to Skyview. Although, I'm not sure if Hudson was in SMT. But, this makes me feel better about my choice.

Lunch was better than the rest of the day. I ate mac and cheese. And Matt even shared his apple slices. Plus, Olivia handed me back my yearbook all signed and everything. And Miles was also able to sign in, since I'm pretty sure he didn't and made him. Well, not really, cause he was willing.

Core was good, although I'm pretty sure no one read them poem inside my book, but that's okay. That wasn't the point of the project at all. Also, I really liked yours. You did a good job. I was really impressed with core projects this year. High school core is so much better than middle school core. We are able to use our brains more and there are less limitations.

I've been thinking. A lot lately. Because of things people have said, and just because the end of the year is coming. Maybe because I've actually had time to think, since I don't study and teachers aren't handing out boatloads of homework. But with all this time to think, I've been taking advantage of it and thinking...

I used to think I was okay, but now I'm not sure.

I wish I could talk to people when I wanted to talk to them, and I wish that I didn't have to deal with annoying people in life. I could make it until the end of the year only talking to teachers when I had to, Tori, Sammi, Kevin, Sami, Aaron and you. I could get by, and in some ways, I think that's be easier. Everyone else has drama tied to them.

And I'm sick of dealing with other people's shit that they leave for me to pick up. I'm just fed of with life, people's insecurities and people thinking they are better than others. Or worse, people thinking they aren't good enough and dealing with their self loathing. It's hard to tell someone they're beautiful when they don't have the will power to see it themselves.

I'm tired of dealing with school, and most of the people sometimes associated with it. And grades are so stupid, and I'm pissed that Jessen wants our last class to be a Socratic seminar, not even a class discussion. A Socratic seminar. That just drives me insane.

And I'm pissed that I can't get music to play off my computer. All internet radios wont load. So I suppose I'll resort to actual radio, but I've heard all those songs before. Like, Youtube isn't even loading for me and I'm thinking that today they whole world just wants to piss me off.

I'm thinking, "fuck you World." Nothing is going the way I hoped it would. Teachers are aggravating, and class are stupid and I'm just... Done. With living around people. With dealing with everything wrong in life because I'm expected to fix it. I'm done people a social person when all I want is to just sleep until summer comes.

I feel like I want all connections to me, cut off for just a day. I want to do something that I want, in the way I want to. Maybe just for once. And if it doesn't work, then yeah, it's my fault and you can blame me. But if I do something they way you want me to, and I fail. Why do I get yelled at? It wasn't my idea that didn't work out, it wasn't all my fault. It wasn't wasn't WASN'T.

I just... AUGH. Life is sucking, and I don't know how to fix it right now. I want friends to be able to talk to me about their problems, but sometimes they're so... They're just not looking at it the way I do, and trying to explain how I see frustrated them and they blow up at me. And I don't like being yelled at for trying to help.

I'm only trying to help... But you're not letting me. You ask me to help, but apparently I can't? It like... Ingraham. You're being told you're doing something wrong, but you go to find what you do wrong, and she tells you not to and to do it later. And then she points out the same mistake, and you ask her to explain why it's wrong, and she says to look it up. (But keep in mind you can't now, and have to do it later.) And it's just so frustrating. You can't look it up, and she won't tell you why it's wrong. But it's wrong.

Life is just so messed up right now. And I can't deal with it anymore, I'm not helping people much anyways, I'm just apparently getting in the way of everyone. And people are stepping on me, and I can feel myself getting shorter and shorter. And it's like trying to climb out of a hole, and you find that it's getting deeper and deeper, and there isn't really a way to get to the top because every time it gets deeper, you're being pushed down farther.

I don't really care for being kicked. I don't really care for Trevor suddenly being very clingy. He made me sit in his lap today, and when I tried to get up, he wouldn't let me. And when I was finally able to sit in my own chair, he kept tickling me. And it's pissing my off. I don't want him touching me, it's uncomfortable for me. Which technically makes it sexual harassment.

Don't people understand boundaries anymore? It's like there isn't any and never was. Like they're forgotten and put into the past. Like they maybe disappeared off the face of the Earth from now until eternity. I know you still understand boundaries. I'm glad someone still does.

People can be so incompetent at times. But really, I know they're just trying to do what's best. But I think somewhere in their mind, they know that what's best isn't really the right thing to do, so it's not really the best. Can't people just put their emotions aside and think rationally about the situation? Just for once.

I just really... Don't know anymore. Things are moving too fast. Too many cards are being bent and TJ is blowing up in my face. I feel like that is life. I am the card bender, and cards are events of my life, like Tarot Cards.

When I grow up and am out of college, I have a feeling I'm splitting from this place as fast as I can. I want the simple life, where things are easy to deal with. Where kids aren't expected to do so many things. I'll go live in the country. We'll get horses. Studies show that kids who ride and care for horses are more social adapt and also do better in school.

Temple Grandin gives so many examples in her book that I can relate to. She's autistic, you know? I want to be autistic. You can only feel simple emotions, like animals. If you love someone, you love someone no matter what and become very loyal. If you don't like someone, that's it. You just don't like them. It's that simple.

Unfortunately, life isn't like that. It's more complicated than anyone could ever comprehend and map out. It's more than people should deal with it. It's more than I want to deal with. People are changing, and it's not really for the better. I mean, I know I'm changing, but the only thing I've really noticed is my anti-socialness right now. And it's not that bad of a thing.

Nothing is ever that bad when you take emotions away from the situation... Nothing is ever as bad once the crisis has passed. It's never as bad when you look at it from someone elses perspective. Nothing is ever that bad... We just make it that way. We make it so everything is really that bad.

It's not like the end has come yet, it's not like we can say we've made it through life. We've only made it this far. But, I'm wishing right now that this could be the end. Of all the shit I've been through, of all the stressing, of all the annoying people who don't understand boundaries, of misunderstandings.

Can this be the end? Can I just sleep until it's all over...? At least when I sleep, I can't feel pain. Will you put me in a medicine induced coma until things in life get better? Or at least until the end of school... This should be the end of thinking, of mindless busy work, of all the stupid things people do because they let emotions get in the way of their decisions...

Can this just be the end?

Love,
Kailynn

Nostalgia

I guess I'm okay,
comparatively.
I guess I'm okay,
considering all things.
I guess I'm okay,
overall.

So many memories are pushing themselves into my mind, and I don't know how to sort through them all and place them to the right moment. They all blend, and they all crash. Memories that I've made at VSAA and memories that I've made with the people I go to school with.

Memories from sixth grade, like the one of TJ and his chocolate milk. And how Carr had us go around in a circle and introduce ourselves, and I said, "Hi. I'm me." And how because we talked so much Galeno separated us to different tables. I sat with... I don't remember. But I didn't talk. And I remember there was one time when I went to talk to stupid, and Mitchell Anderson, he called me stupid and annoying. Stuart laughed and I took offense. And, Angie Noack, best buddy in my opinion. She never forgot me.

And...

Memories of seventh grade, like Boston throwing up in MIA, after he said he wouldn't. And also in MIA, I beat Trevor at a Sudoku puzzle, even though I was helping him more than working on my own. And Tami in theater with Goff... "You smell good. You smell... tasty." And Boston drew this amazing poster when we studied religion in humanities. (Do you still have it, Boston, dear?) Oh! And Buddha and God in math class.

And... and...

And eighth grade, which doesn't seem that far away... Ms. White pulling me out in the hallway and asking me about my "relationship" (Yes, she used air quotes.) with Aaron. And the stupid core projects teachers put us through. And hanging out with Brooke Schnieder and making cupcakes. And emails, and the science project with Busch. I did Vitamin K (aka Potassium). And... and... Just everything good and sweet. (Like birthday parties where we get kicked out of movie theaters.)

And this year... Birthday parties, friends, mental breakdowns, biking, random parties,
and inside jokes:
Bang!
Yersh, your face is tweaked. (Wait, isn't that last year?)
dOn't think i'd fOrget this One. memorable. Oh yeah. dOn't yOu fOrget.
"You and your... Beyonce?"
And some I don't honestly remember that much...?


It's amazing to think that the beginning of school wasn't just last month. Wow, it's gone by in a flurry since I got my acceptance letter. A little too fast for me. There's no time to think anymore. There's no down time, something is always happening. And nothing I do can slow it down, nothing at all. All I can do is get swept up in the current.

And I'll get swept up in the current of emotions on the last day of school, because after that things will change. Things will be different. More exciting, more terrifying. I'm not really sure how my ability to handle it will be... It'll probably fall. I'll probably cry, I'll probably laugh. I will most likely caught up in a tidal wave of nostalgia. I'll bring my camera, take pictures, and remember the days.

I'll give hugs to as many people as I can. And just because I'm leaving doesn't mean that I still wont come back to visit. And when I do visit, I wont be every other month, it'll be more. Or at least I hope so. But I can't make promises that I'm not sure I can keep. I'll try my hardest to stay in touch, there's always Facebook. And most phones still work. At least I know mine does.

But there's so much I want to say to each and every person I see in the hallways, but... I just don't have enough time. As the day are being counted down, I'm wish that people would slow down... Things are moving too fast, and I'm getting startled by the sudden rapid pace. Can't we just relax... On the last day, I know I'm going to be wishing for another day. And if I got another day, it have me wishing for another day.

But... It's summer. Although it doesn't feel like it, it feels like spring. Like school shouldn't be getting out but instead we're going towards spring break. What happened to our beautiful that made it more believable that school is out on Tuesday. Can't we just slow down?

Can't I just have one more day?

Macaroni!

I have decided that whenever there is nothing to eat in the fridge, go look in the cupboard and you'll find MAC AND CHEESE! And so, when I go anywhere in life, I think I'll find the nearest grocery store and stock the cupboard, because that's how I grew up. And I suppose I'm fine with having the only thing be those Kraft cheesy boxes, because at least it tastes good. I'll get fat eating macaroni, and I'm okay with that.

But the really cool thing is, the noodles come in so many different shapes. Like dinosaurs, spirals, regular, and Scooby Doo. It's rather amazing how many different types of noodles there are. And I only bring this up because tonight was one of the nights where there is nothing in the fridge, so I'm making some macaroni. And it's dinosaur shapped. I'm diggin' it.

Except that the stove needs to be cleaned, so... It's got a burnt smell, slightly. But, I'll clean it later. I've been working hard lately. I want a break. And it starts with some tastey extra cheesy Mac and Cheese. Because my stomach is rumbling.

You Better Up That Dosage, Baby!

Now, I'm not sure what I'm referring to exactly that requires you to up that dosage, but do it anyway. Maybe it's just another dose of lovin' that I need to get me through the day. Which reminds me, I've been listening to Animals In Translation by Temple Grandin. And I have to say, the way I look at animals has really changed. And the way that I basically look at life in some ways. (Also, it in someways helping me study for my science final.)

So, according to scientific research concerning certain brain chemical levels, it is best to have a dog. Raising paternal behavior and also helping marriages. It transfers testosterone into estrogen, and raises the estrogen levels. The loving hormone. Therefore, I suppose I can conclude that having a dog around kids is best, and also, that when one gets married, the chances of it lasting longer is to have a child or a dog.

It has me wondering if most people that are loving and caring now, if they had puppies when they were growing up. And if cats produce the same results. Or is it dogs only? Here's something else for you, petting a dog is cathartic. It's calming, one of the things that raises your estrogen levels. So let's up that dosage of some good doggie loving.

I mean, who doesn't like dogs? Someone that doesn't like love, I suppose. Puppies are just the cutest thing to me, except... Well, maybe tiger cubs, but that's because I love tigers in generally. However, puppies are greater than tigers in my opinion. I just love dogs, they are my life.

I told my mom that when I'm older and move out of the house, I'm getting a big dog. From the humane society. And I told her my future husband is going to have to deal or else we can't be together. I don't care if that makes me... shallow? But, it's part of my life. And there has to be a dog in it, no matter what. I really like these high energy dogs, like Border Collies, Black Flat Coated Retrievers, and German Shepherds (I really like the white ones.)

But, also, I'm a huge fan of tiny dogs, like Long Smooth-haired Dachshunds, and also Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, they are just the most adorable. Dogs are the best. Doggies doggies doggies. I love love love them.

Facebook...?

Facebook thinks I might be interested in this:

 

America's Best Drug Rehab

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Google vs. Yahoo

So, you know on Google how there is a search button and a "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. I've always wondered what that last one was, but never really got around to using it. So, today I thought I might test it out, by typing in "today is" and seeing what comes up.

It has taken me to a website. And it says...

"Today is...
Sunday, June 13th, 2010

Julian: 2455361
Day of Year: 164
Hebrew: 1st of Tamuz, 5770
Islamic: Sunday 1 Rajab 1431 A.H.

Chinese Year: 4708 Tiger (Metal-Tiger-27-29)
Chinese Lunar: Jia Wu Day, Ren Wu Moneth, Geng Tin Year
Chinese Solar: Day 2, Fifth Month, Geng Yin Year"

That sounds pretty intense that it would know this, and probably tell me what's going on tomorrow, tomorrow.

It also gives Quote of the Day: "The most effective way to do it, is to do it." -- Amelia Earhart
And Nature Quote of the Day: "Every drop in the ocean counts" --Yoko Ono
And Funny Quote of the Day: "Birth was the death of him." -- Samuel Beckett
And Love Quote of the Day: "Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

This website tells me there is no holiday today, but there are birthdays:
Mary-Kate Olsen (1986)
Sam Adams (1973)
Deniece Peterson (1968)
Jeff Brehaut (1963)
Bo Donaldson (1953)

And there are some deaths, how sad:
(1977) Tom C Clark
(1972) Clyde L Mcphatter
(1954) Nikolai Obouhov
(1749) Jan F van Bloemen
(1612) Charles van Croij

And some facts, This Day in History:

(1995) Indians' Dennis Martinez no hits Balt 11-0
(1996) Freeman in Montana give up to FBI after 81 days
(1995) New Jersey Devils beat Philadelphia Flyers, to go to their 1st Stanley Cup finals
(1994) Chicago Cub 2nd baseman Ryne Sandberg, retires due to poor play, he forfeits $15.7 million of his $25 million contract
(1994) Don Mattingly plays 1st base, 1,469 game for Yankees (2nd most)

Wow, those were boring facts... So here is your Daily Readings

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who maintains covenant loyalty with those who love him and keep his commandments, to thousand generations." -- Deuteronomy 7:9 (NRSV)

Oh, and also, the current moon:
Waxing Crescent
3% of Full


So, you know on MLIA, how there is a Google vs. Yahoo war, well, let's check out what Yahoo has to say (Besides that I have 20 unread messages.) I typed in "today is" and up comes, as the first choice, a Wikipedia link. Yeah, yeah, "Today's date is June 13, 2010. It is a Sunday." Blah blah.

"Today may refer to:
Current events
Present, the time this is perceived directly, often called now."
(But even as I say now, it's already in the past.)

It gives a list of songs and albums titles "Today." They need new imaginations I suppose?

I think Google wins this. Wikipedia link was boring, thanks Yahoo, try again.

But let's test this out... When I go to Yahoo and type in "Yahoo is..." It finishes with "stupid." When I go to Google is says, "Yahoo is better than Google." Which one wins? Boston, can you help me decide which one wins?

What?

Laughing because now is the moment of hysteria. And no other time is better. Everything is funnier at four in the morning after pulling an all nighter. Yeah, that's practically me. Except... 32 hours of being awake. And most things seem really funny to me.

I'm very entertained by Red Remover. And also by the fact that my dog is licking my jeans. And Mindjolt Games on Facebook, playing Combine right now. And the colors mesh to create a new color. I find this amazing. The pattern, and way you piece the puzzle together.

Also, I really love this song. It makes me really happy, and I never hear it on the radio anymore, and it gets stuck in my head. I like singing it. It's a good song.

Oh, heck yeah!  I just beat all of the levels on Red Remover, even the bonus levels. I win. It only took all last night, and this night. But I did it. But now I'm crashing, and so perhaps I should sleep. That's just a thought. I wish that I'd remember my dream come morning.

What Is This Life We Live?

Listen.

Why is it that now that spring is over, all these spring flings are over? Is it time for summer romance? Meeting a hot guy down at the beach and just having fun knowing that when summer is over, you'll forget about it and go on with life. Is that how it is? A lot of people seem to be seeking more attention during the summer, it's made clear by the low cut tops, and the low riding jeans you see on girls. I would mention that guys are walking around without shirts on showing off their abs, but I guess I sort of find that normal.

I don't find it weird that girls are wanting to seek attention, I just find it stupid that they think the only way is by looks. I used to care a lot about looks. But not like the obsessive oh-my-God-is-a-hair-out-of-place? but more just a, do I look mature? Do I look decent in comparison to others? Must cut down on fatty foods and exercise... kind of way. Why is it that we rely on looks to get us through life?

I'd be find to just be a bum, wear plaid everyday and have a tear in my jeans that was from wearing them so often, and not purposefully there. What's the point in wearing jeans like that when you're paying $80 for something you can do at home with sandpaper and paint. I don't see the point when you can get a perfectly good pair of jeans, hole free, for about $6 at Goodwill.

Why do we pay so much for good looks now? We want to stand out, be different and be noticed for once. Can't everyone look the same at school and just be there to learn? I think uniforms are an amazing idea, minus the fact girls have to wear skirts. But, I'd deal with that, and get used to that. I'm really glad that at our school no one is really flaunting wealth and status.

Haha. What am I kidding? Lots of people flaunt it at our school. However, I'm hoping that most of it is unintentional. Speaking of school, I can't believe that VSAA is losing so many teachers at the end of next year. Chartrey and Ms. White. I just can't believe that. I mean, I've been with Ms. White since kindergarten at Hough for arts block. And now she's retiring.

She's taught me a lot of life lessons. And she's a wonderful teacher that has affected so many students lives. And now she's leaving. But, I guess that was inevitable. She's been saying that she'll retire soon anyway, and now it's finally happening. And I can except that.

But, what I don't want to accept is that O'Bannion thinks Chartrey is more suited for River than for VSAA. I feel like he'd be so much better there. River students are probably used to change, but we're such a small school. And most students will have to adjust to a new band teacher, even though Chartrey has been there since their first year of band, and now changing teachers.

I mean, I know how much substitutes annoy me because it messes up the repetition of life. So, think about after 5 years for some, a new band teacher. That's sure to mess them up. But, maybe it's for the better. Maybe River really does need him more. I guess I don't want to accept that O'Bannion requested he go to River.

I suppose it's time to put new strings on this old guitar. I guess it's just time for change. But too many things are changing at the moment. It's hard to grasp onto ideas. Facebook is changing constantly, I'm changing constantly and so are you. And sometimes change isn't a good thing. It's scary when everything starts changing all at the same time. You don't know what to expect.

When you turn the corner, you don't know if it's safe or if someone is waiting to jump you and steal your lunch money. You just don't know. And all this uncertainty is driving me crazy. What am I suppose to think? Know, feel, be catch, release, throw, do, make...? What am I?

Am I just a pawn in this giant complex chess game you happen to be playing? Or am I your king (No, I know I'm not a guy, but this is my analogy.), and your only goal is to protect me? Or do you consider me a knight? And I protect you, the defender. What am I to you? What am I to the world? What is this master plan that I have no knowledge about?

Can I just not understand, because it's easier on my tiny brain? And also, I think my Internet is trying to tell me something by constantly disconnecting. I should continue on in studying for my final, but I found about 5 chapters worth of notes, so if there's only about 4 more to cover, I figure I can take some time off to hammer out a nice blog post and listening to amazing music by Sara Bareilles.

I'm not sure what to do with today, though. I want to go do something, but without my bike, there isn't far to go. Perhaps I'll go down to the park, and read some. Reading is always a good thing. It allows us to grow. But here's a thought book related: I would like, just once, for a teacher to say, "Class read this book because it's amazing. Don't analyze it. Just read. At the end of (whenever) we shall have a class discussion and a vocab test." Because, we should stop with the analyzing of books. It makes me want to not read them, and dread the test that comes after it. So, let's just read a book because it's a good book.

That's what I'm going to go do now. Read a good book, because I think it's a good book. Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination.

Well reading for a little bit was nice, but it's way too quiet outside. There was no one out there. Just an empty field. It was weird. Perhaps I'll go back to internet games and laundry. If I get enough laundry done, I can go to Pop Culture tonight.