I'm not a vegitarian? I guess...
"The original pack of Skittles doesn't contain the color blue. Therefore, you CAN'T actually taste the rainbow.
Skittles also contain shellac and gelatin, which are both derived from
animals. So, vegetarians and vegans can't eat skittles. The gelatin
also frequently comes from pigs, so eating skittles would violate the
eating restrictions for observant Jews and Muslims.
"
I love Skittles too much.
June 30, 2010
June 29, 2010
Love
So, I thought I'd let you know that the next time that you ask me, I'll just have you remember this. But only in the joking sort of way, because you should know that I really do love you. And I'm glad that me heart didn't give me any other choice. And even if it had, I still would've picked you. I'm 99.99% sure. Just like germ killing soap and hand sanatizers.June 28, 2010
200 Days of Summer? Lol. No.
Perhaps I'll celebrate by making some pasta? I mean, there's always mac and cheese around the house. And I haven't really eaten. I know I should, so maybe I will.
This morning didn't go so great, but this afternoon was spent the best way possible. With a loved one. And Mr. Henry, you're right, I am in a much better mood when I stay out of the house. But, I also am less annoyed with some people when I stay in the house listening to music cuddled up in my favorite blanket. I think each has its pros and each has its cons.
So, let's see. Here a few things that have been rather prominent in my summer so far.
- Laundry.
- Sleep. (It only seems that way.)
- Music.
- Sammi.
- Aaron.
- Dishes.
- Dogs.
- Sun.
- Cold Nights.
- Blankets.
- Bruises. (I am a clutz.)
- Texting.
- Friendship bracelets.
- Flip flops.
- Books? Not really.
- Quotes.
- Games.
- Facebook.
- Gmail.
- Blogs.
- Writing.
- Water.
- Purple cups.
- Internet (failures).
- I love yous.
- Calculators.
- Makeup?
- Cameras. Well, not really.
- Keys.
- Markers.
- Art supplies.
- Noodles.
- Headaches.
- Lotion.
- Sunscreen.
- Plaid.
- Shorts.
- Boston.
- Batteries.
- Glue Bottles.
- Blue pens.
- And black ones, too.
- Folders.
- Post-its.
- Carpets.
- Coffee.
- Boxes (including random containers).
- Emotions.
- No order.
- Cleaning products.
June 27, 2010
The Wonders of the Internet
I was on hulu today, and it was just really funny to find America's Most Smartest Model. And Boston, I thought you might be interested in how hilarious I find this. It's just so dumb. But it's one of those dumb shows that are just so stupid it's addicting. I don't feel like writing. I've done quite a bit lately. So, these I'm going to keep short.
June 26, 2010
What?
Magic 8 Ball-Personality : Cool and Mysterious
Just like a Magic 8 Ball, it takes a lot of effort before anybody can
actually reach out to you. Your illusive and mysterious ways earns you
feel friends but a lot of gossips. It'll require a person of highest
passion to be able to thaw your icy exterior and get close to you.
Purity-Your mask is purity. You are always trying to be true to yourself. You don't care what others think is right or wrong, you always use your own judgment to decide. You often ignore the millions of rules people are trying to place on the way you should live your life, because you know they are meaningless and that you are a good person. Your intentions are usually pure, whether it's wanting to do something nice for someone, or just take some time for yourself. You understand that pure isn't perfect. You get angry, jealous, mean, sometimes stubborn, but you are who you are, and your mask isn't trying to hide it; it's just helping you get by the life you love and enjoy.
(Palm Reading) Wealthy and prosperous life- Wealthy and prosperous life: Your hand indicates that you'll have a life free from mundane tasks and dissatisfactions. You will live a rich life and are generously compensated for what you do for a living. Financial worries will not be a big concern for you at any point of your future horizon and you should feel lucky for it!
*DREAMER*-You are a dreamer, and thats awesome because you are unique. You think outside the norm. you have a high intelligence because you arent conformed by what society tells you. you are an individual and you need to put your thoughts into action to be satisfied with this life. be who you are dont be afraid for those who believe in themselves are leaders. dream big and work hard to achieve your goals.
(Element) Mysical, Faithful Wind-You are free sprited and can't be kept in a cage! You love to enjoy the breeze of Autumn, and the leaves swirling around you. You don't really stand out, and only lead when your comrads need you most. Otherwise, you just kind of blend, which, in some instances, can be good! Even so, try to make more of an imprint. You are very care-free and like to be free! You would be a good counseler, doctor or author! Your emotions change with your surroundings.
Rat-Your soul craves deep dark places filled with all your worldly goods and crowds of family and friends. Deep inside, all you want from life is a full belly and a mess of kids. You might not be the most appealing person, but you are a great parent and can survive and even thrive in any situation.
I'm a piggy.
I'm a Libra on the cusp of a Virgo.
Purity-Your mask is purity. You are always trying to be true to yourself. You don't care what others think is right or wrong, you always use your own judgment to decide. You often ignore the millions of rules people are trying to place on the way you should live your life, because you know they are meaningless and that you are a good person. Your intentions are usually pure, whether it's wanting to do something nice for someone, or just take some time for yourself. You understand that pure isn't perfect. You get angry, jealous, mean, sometimes stubborn, but you are who you are, and your mask isn't trying to hide it; it's just helping you get by the life you love and enjoy.
(Palm Reading) Wealthy and prosperous life- Wealthy and prosperous life: Your hand indicates that you'll have a life free from mundane tasks and dissatisfactions. You will live a rich life and are generously compensated for what you do for a living. Financial worries will not be a big concern for you at any point of your future horizon and you should feel lucky for it!
*DREAMER*-You are a dreamer, and thats awesome because you are unique. You think outside the norm. you have a high intelligence because you arent conformed by what society tells you. you are an individual and you need to put your thoughts into action to be satisfied with this life. be who you are dont be afraid for those who believe in themselves are leaders. dream big and work hard to achieve your goals.
(Element) Mysical, Faithful Wind-You are free sprited and can't be kept in a cage! You love to enjoy the breeze of Autumn, and the leaves swirling around you. You don't really stand out, and only lead when your comrads need you most. Otherwise, you just kind of blend, which, in some instances, can be good! Even so, try to make more of an imprint. You are very care-free and like to be free! You would be a good counseler, doctor or author! Your emotions change with your surroundings.
Rat-Your soul craves deep dark places filled with all your worldly goods and crowds of family and friends. Deep inside, all you want from life is a full belly and a mess of kids. You might not be the most appealing person, but you are a great parent and can survive and even thrive in any situation.
I'm a piggy.
I'm a Libra on the cusp of a Virgo.
Boys Like Girls
I have to say that I really like Boys Like Girls. They're an amazing band. (And some members aren't that bad looking? I'm not sure exactly what's "good lookin'." But never mind, I just like the guy in the white shirt because he has amazing blue eyes. And I always fall for the guys with the wonderful eyes. Plus, it's a bonus when they're a pretty blue. Even though everyone likes blue eyes, I don't feel like a conformist.)If You Could See Me Now -- Boys Like Girls (In case you didn't know.)
The nights grow cold
I'm growing older
everyday you're gone
is more lonesome than the last one
I've spent all this time
without you in my life
and you're still on my mind
nothing ever feels alright
I'm tired of being alone
why don't you just come home
because i miss you so
and i want you to know
if you could see me now
we could move on somehow
if you could travel all the miles again
if you could just see me now
you wouldn't have a doubt
we could just start this love all over
and forget all the things we know
if you could see me now
somehow
everything i said
wasn't what i meant
i hope you can forget
and i can leave all my regrets
behind tonight
and catch a flight to Boston
and come start a new life
and this time we can do it right
I'm tired of being alone
why don't you just come home
because i miss you so
and i want you to know
if you could see me now
we could move on somehow
if you could travel all the miles again
if you could just see me now
you wouldn't have a doubt
we could just start this love all over
and forget all the things we know
if you could see me now
somehow
if you could see me now
we could move on somehow
if you could travel all the miles
if you could see me now
we could move on somehow
if you could travel all the miles again
if you could just see me now
you wouldn't have a doubt
we could just start this love all over
and forget all the things we know
if you could see me now
we could move on somehow
if you could travel all the miles again
if you could see me now
somehow
June 25, 2010
Food Makes Me Laugh
Apples seem to just be the most ridiculous things. Ever. I think they're tasty. Just like you. ;) Anyways... Apple poetry time! Ah, kindergartners are just so funny.
High Apples
Two little apples smiled at me
I shook that tree as hard as I could.
Down came the apples,
M-m-m they were good!
June 23, 2010
June 21, 2010
One Day...
One of these days I'll be a writer, or rather a published author. And I'll dedicate my book to Ms. White,
Ms. Jessen, family members and friends. I'll say this is for everyone that's ever believed in me. Because, you know, without their help, I woudn't have continued writing, so really it only makes sense to me. Does it make sense to you?
One of these days perhaps I'll be a famous singer, because it's always been apart of my life, be that as it may... I've never really been a performer. On my last solo, I forgot the words, maybe that's why I didn't continue. But if I do become famous, it'll be because of Mr. Smith, Ms. Songprice, my mom, Ms. Amy Grant and of course Mrs. Teresa Swanson. Those people really helped me.
Maybe I'll be a photographer, because working in the darkroom just seems natural, but film photography is dying out, so maybe not. But if I did become famous, perhaps I'll thank Galeno, at least for the supplies. But maybe for just being horrible at frist and pushing me to improve and gain the praise I thought I deserved.
There's a slim chance I'll be a famous dancer, even if I do enjoy it, I just get hurt too much. Plus, I can't point my toes, nor can I really be that coordinated. I'm not a huge fan of trying new things. But who knows, but the end of next year I'll have three years dance and I really still want to take tap. But being in a class with six year olds is stopping me.
There's an even slimmer chance that one day I'll be an actress. I suck at memorizing things, and don't do well at standing up in front of large audiences. And stage make up gets annoying, and also, the thousands of hours of rehearsal, I wouldn't be up for that. I want something else out of life.
But I know one day there wont be anything keeping me from being totally carefree and happy.
Ms. Jessen, family members and friends. I'll say this is for everyone that's ever believed in me. Because, you know, without their help, I woudn't have continued writing, so really it only makes sense to me. Does it make sense to you?
One of these days perhaps I'll be a famous singer, because it's always been apart of my life, be that as it may... I've never really been a performer. On my last solo, I forgot the words, maybe that's why I didn't continue. But if I do become famous, it'll be because of Mr. Smith, Ms. Songprice, my mom, Ms. Amy Grant and of course Mrs. Teresa Swanson. Those people really helped me.
Maybe I'll be a photographer, because working in the darkroom just seems natural, but film photography is dying out, so maybe not. But if I did become famous, perhaps I'll thank Galeno, at least for the supplies. But maybe for just being horrible at frist and pushing me to improve and gain the praise I thought I deserved.There's a slim chance I'll be a famous dancer, even if I do enjoy it, I just get hurt too much. Plus, I can't point my toes, nor can I really be that coordinated. I'm not a huge fan of trying new things. But who knows, but the end of next year I'll have three years dance and I really still want to take tap. But being in a class with six year olds is stopping me.
There's an even slimmer chance that one day I'll be an actress. I suck at memorizing things, and don't do well at standing up in front of large audiences. And stage make up gets annoying, and also, the thousands of hours of rehearsal, I wouldn't be up for that. I want something else out of life.
But I know one day there wont be anything keeping me from being totally carefree and happy.
June 19, 2010
Sometimes I Wish That Life Was A Little Easier, You Know?
Do you still happen to read Boston's blog? He's telling me to keep him
from crying on Tuesday because then he wont be happy. But, how do you
keep someone from crying if you'll most end up just like them? Crying
because you saw how emotional they got?
I've been pretty good about keeping my emotions in check when it comes to Tuesday. But, it's all crumbling, faster than I can find the paste to glue it back together. Maybe I'll just use frosting, it seems sweeter, and I like sugar coated things.
But everything about Tuesday now seems bittersweet, and I'm losing my composer. It's basically the end. The closer it gets, the more I want to stay, the more scared I am to leave. Yet at the same time, I'm extremely excited for next year and ready for summer.
What's with these mixed emotions? Let's just be happy or just be sad. Or better yet, let's not feel either emotion and just be. I'm tired of the freaking roller coaster that I can't get off of. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm content. I'm everything in between. And I'm sick of it, my annoyed state I suppose it kicking in. And it's been in an abundance this year. Which is horrible for people that have to deal with me.
I hope I haven't been too nit-picky this year. Most people don't like dealing with people like me. They think I'm obnoxious and odd. But I'm not. Just most of the time, I'm misunderstood. And that's all it is.
And maybe that's all it'll ever be. I mean, does anyone really ever always understand a single person? Or is it just... You have to explain everything, and that's how they learn. Maybe it's how we all learn and grow, meaning the most important lesson in life is learning to understand what people are trying to tell you.
But maybe it's not that simple, because it never is. Just one thing: Boston, keep me from crying on Tuesday. We should be happy.
I've been pretty good about keeping my emotions in check when it comes to Tuesday. But, it's all crumbling, faster than I can find the paste to glue it back together. Maybe I'll just use frosting, it seems sweeter, and I like sugar coated things.
But everything about Tuesday now seems bittersweet, and I'm losing my composer. It's basically the end. The closer it gets, the more I want to stay, the more scared I am to leave. Yet at the same time, I'm extremely excited for next year and ready for summer.
What's with these mixed emotions? Let's just be happy or just be sad. Or better yet, let's not feel either emotion and just be. I'm tired of the freaking roller coaster that I can't get off of. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm content. I'm everything in between. And I'm sick of it, my annoyed state I suppose it kicking in. And it's been in an abundance this year. Which is horrible for people that have to deal with me.
I hope I haven't been too nit-picky this year. Most people don't like dealing with people like me. They think I'm obnoxious and odd. But I'm not. Just most of the time, I'm misunderstood. And that's all it is.
And maybe that's all it'll ever be. I mean, does anyone really ever always understand a single person? Or is it just... You have to explain everything, and that's how they learn. Maybe it's how we all learn and grow, meaning the most important lesson in life is learning to understand what people are trying to tell you.
But maybe it's not that simple, because it never is. Just one thing: Boston, keep me from crying on Tuesday. We should be happy.
June 16, 2010
Solo Por Ti -- Gosh Groban
Di me qué haría de mis días,
I gave myself, what I would do with my days
quien soñaría si no estas?
Who will dream if you are gone?
Cómo podría respirar el aire, lejos de ti.
How could I breath the air, far from you
Cuando no estas aquí.
When you aren't here...
Solo por ti, caminaría
Only for you, I would walk
en la infinidad.
Through infinity
Afrontaría
I would confront
contigo la eternidad.
eternity with you
Solo por tí...
Only for you
Di me lo que siente tu alma,
Tell me what you feel in your soul
dime por qué vive en mi.
Tell me why you do not live within me,
No se pero voy muriendo lento
I do not know, but I am dieing slowly
Solo sin tí.
alone without you.
Triste me quedo así...
sadly I will be this way
Solo por tí, caminaría
en la infinidad.
Afrontaría
contigo la eternidad.
Solo por tí.
Te daré mil poesías,
I will give you a thousand poems
las escribiré para tí.
I will write them for you
Cantaré mis melodías,
I will sing my melodies
con la música de tu alma...
with the music of your soul
Solo por tí,caminaría
en la infinidad.
Afrontaría,
contigo la eternidad...
Solo por ti,caminaría
Only for you, I will walk
en la infinidad.
through the infinity
Afrontaría,
I would confront
amar por la eternidad...
Loving for eternity
Yo solo, solo por tí...
I am only, only for you.
I gave myself, what I would do with my days
quien soñaría si no estas?
Who will dream if you are gone?
Cómo podría respirar el aire, lejos de ti.
How could I breath the air, far from you
Cuando no estas aquí.
When you aren't here...
Solo por ti, caminaría
Only for you, I would walk
en la infinidad.
Through infinity
Afrontaría
I would confront
contigo la eternidad.
eternity with you
Solo por tí...
Only for you
Di me lo que siente tu alma,
Tell me what you feel in your soul
dime por qué vive en mi.
Tell me why you do not live within me,
No se pero voy muriendo lento
I do not know, but I am dieing slowly
Solo sin tí.
alone without you.
Triste me quedo así...
sadly I will be this way
Solo por tí, caminaría
en la infinidad.
Afrontaría
contigo la eternidad.
Solo por tí.
Te daré mil poesías,
I will give you a thousand poems
las escribiré para tí.
I will write them for you
Cantaré mis melodías,
I will sing my melodies
con la música de tu alma...
with the music of your soul
Solo por tí,caminaría
en la infinidad.
Afrontaría,
contigo la eternidad...
Solo por ti,caminaría
Only for you, I will walk
en la infinidad.
through the infinity
Afrontaría,
I would confront
amar por la eternidad...
Loving for eternity
Yo solo, solo por tí...
I am only, only for you.
Can This Just Be The End?
Dear Boston,
Today started off good. I mean, besides the person that always copies off my work getting upset because "suddenly" she didn't understand and she exclaimed, "I hate math!" And proceeded to not work. Also, did you know Avery and Hudson went to Skyview. Although, I'm not sure if Hudson was in SMT. But, this makes me feel better about my choice.
Lunch was better than the rest of the day. I ate mac and cheese. And Matt even shared his apple slices. Plus, Olivia handed me back my yearbook all signed and everything. And Miles was also able to sign in, since I'm pretty sure he didn't and made him. Well, not really, cause he was willing.
Core was good, although I'm pretty sure no one read them poem inside my book, but that's okay. That wasn't the point of the project at all. Also, I really liked yours. You did a good job. I was really impressed with core projects this year. High school core is so much better than middle school core. We are able to use our brains more and there are less limitations.
I've been thinking. A lot lately. Because of things people have said, and just because the end of the year is coming. Maybe because I've actually had time to think, since I don't study and teachers aren't handing out boatloads of homework. But with all this time to think, I've been taking advantage of it and thinking...
I used to think I was okay, but now I'm not sure.
I wish I could talk to people when I wanted to talk to them, and I wish that I didn't have to deal with annoying people in life. I could make it until the end of the year only talking to teachers when I had to, Tori, Sammi, Kevin, Sami, Aaron and you. I could get by, and in some ways, I think that's be easier. Everyone else has drama tied to them.
And I'm sick of dealing with other people's shit that they leave for me to pick up. I'm just fed of with life, people's insecurities and people thinking they are better than others. Or worse, people thinking they aren't good enough and dealing with their self loathing. It's hard to tell someone they're beautiful when they don't have the will power to see it themselves.
I'm tired of dealing with school, and most of the people sometimes associated with it. And grades are so stupid, and I'm pissed that Jessen wants our last class to be a Socratic seminar, not even a class discussion. A Socratic seminar. That just drives me insane.
And I'm pissed that I can't get music to play off my computer. All internet radios wont load. So I suppose I'll resort to actual radio, but I've heard all those songs before. Like, Youtube isn't even loading for me and I'm thinking that today they whole world just wants to piss me off.
I'm thinking, "fuck you World." Nothing is going the way I hoped it would. Teachers are aggravating, and class are stupid and I'm just... Done. With living around people. With dealing with everything wrong in life because I'm expected to fix it. I'm done people a social person when all I want is to just sleep until summer comes.
I feel like I want all connections to me, cut off for just a day. I want to do something that I want, in the way I want to. Maybe just for once. And if it doesn't work, then yeah, it's my fault and you can blame me. But if I do something they way you want me to, and I fail. Why do I get yelled at? It wasn't my idea that didn't work out, it wasn't all my fault. It wasn't wasn't WASN'T.
I just... AUGH. Life is sucking, and I don't know how to fix it right now. I want friends to be able to talk to me about their problems, but sometimes they're so... They're just not looking at it the way I do, and trying to explain how I see frustrated them and they blow up at me. And I don't like being yelled at for trying to help.
I'm only trying to help... But you're not letting me. You ask me to help, but apparently I can't? It like... Ingraham. You're being told you're doing something wrong, but you go to find what you do wrong, and she tells you not to and to do it later. And then she points out the same mistake, and you ask her to explain why it's wrong, and she says to look it up. (But keep in mind you can't now, and have to do it later.) And it's just so frustrating. You can't look it up, and she won't tell you why it's wrong. But it's wrong.
Life is just so messed up right now. And I can't deal with it anymore, I'm not helping people much anyways, I'm just apparently getting in the way of everyone. And people are stepping on me, and I can feel myself getting shorter and shorter. And it's like trying to climb out of a hole, and you find that it's getting deeper and deeper, and there isn't really a way to get to the top because every time it gets deeper, you're being pushed down farther.
I don't really care for being kicked. I don't really care for Trevor suddenly being very clingy. He made me sit in his lap today, and when I tried to get up, he wouldn't let me. And when I was finally able to sit in my own chair, he kept tickling me. And it's pissing my off. I don't want him touching me, it's uncomfortable for me. Which technically makes it sexual harassment.
Don't people understand boundaries anymore? It's like there isn't any and never was. Like they're forgotten and put into the past. Like they maybe disappeared off the face of the Earth from now until eternity. I know you still understand boundaries. I'm glad someone still does.
People can be so incompetent at times. But really, I know they're just trying to do what's best. But I think somewhere in their mind, they know that what's best isn't really the right thing to do, so it's not really the best. Can't people just put their emotions aside and think rationally about the situation? Just for once.
I just really... Don't know anymore. Things are moving too fast. Too many cards are being bent and TJ is blowing up in my face. I feel like that is life. I am the card bender, and cards are events of my life, like Tarot Cards.
When I grow up and am out of college, I have a feeling I'm splitting from this place as fast as I can. I want the simple life, where things are easy to deal with. Where kids aren't expected to do so many things. I'll go live in the country. We'll get horses. Studies show that kids who ride and care for horses are more social adapt and also do better in school.
Temple Grandin gives so many examples in her book that I can relate to. She's autistic, you know? I want to be autistic. You can only feel simple emotions, like animals. If you love someone, you love someone no matter what and become very loyal. If you don't like someone, that's it. You just don't like them. It's that simple.
Unfortunately, life isn't like that. It's more complicated than anyone could ever comprehend and map out. It's more than people should deal with it. It's more than I want to deal with. People are changing, and it's not really for the better. I mean, I know I'm changing, but the only thing I've really noticed is my anti-socialness right now. And it's not that bad of a thing.
Nothing is ever that bad when you take emotions away from the situation... Nothing is ever as bad once the crisis has passed. It's never as bad when you look at it from someone elses perspective. Nothing is ever that bad... We just make it that way. We make it so everything is really that bad.
It's not like the end has come yet, it's not like we can say we've made it through life. We've only made it this far. But, I'm wishing right now that this could be the end. Of all the shit I've been through, of all the stressing, of all the annoying people who don't understand boundaries, of misunderstandings.
Can this be the end? Can I just sleep until it's all over...? At least when I sleep, I can't feel pain. Will you put me in a medicine induced coma until things in life get better? Or at least until the end of school... This should be the end of thinking, of mindless busy work, of all the stupid things people do because they let emotions get in the way of their decisions...
Can this just be the end?
Love,
Kailynn
Today started off good. I mean, besides the person that always copies off my work getting upset because "suddenly" she didn't understand and she exclaimed, "I hate math!" And proceeded to not work. Also, did you know Avery and Hudson went to Skyview. Although, I'm not sure if Hudson was in SMT. But, this makes me feel better about my choice.
Lunch was better than the rest of the day. I ate mac and cheese. And Matt even shared his apple slices. Plus, Olivia handed me back my yearbook all signed and everything. And Miles was also able to sign in, since I'm pretty sure he didn't and made him. Well, not really, cause he was willing.
Core was good, although I'm pretty sure no one read them poem inside my book, but that's okay. That wasn't the point of the project at all. Also, I really liked yours. You did a good job. I was really impressed with core projects this year. High school core is so much better than middle school core. We are able to use our brains more and there are less limitations.
I've been thinking. A lot lately. Because of things people have said, and just because the end of the year is coming. Maybe because I've actually had time to think, since I don't study and teachers aren't handing out boatloads of homework. But with all this time to think, I've been taking advantage of it and thinking...
I used to think I was okay, but now I'm not sure.
I wish I could talk to people when I wanted to talk to them, and I wish that I didn't have to deal with annoying people in life. I could make it until the end of the year only talking to teachers when I had to, Tori, Sammi, Kevin, Sami, Aaron and you. I could get by, and in some ways, I think that's be easier. Everyone else has drama tied to them.
And I'm sick of dealing with other people's shit that they leave for me to pick up. I'm just fed of with life, people's insecurities and people thinking they are better than others. Or worse, people thinking they aren't good enough and dealing with their self loathing. It's hard to tell someone they're beautiful when they don't have the will power to see it themselves.
I'm tired of dealing with school, and most of the people sometimes associated with it. And grades are so stupid, and I'm pissed that Jessen wants our last class to be a Socratic seminar, not even a class discussion. A Socratic seminar. That just drives me insane.
And I'm pissed that I can't get music to play off my computer. All internet radios wont load. So I suppose I'll resort to actual radio, but I've heard all those songs before. Like, Youtube isn't even loading for me and I'm thinking that today they whole world just wants to piss me off.
I'm thinking, "fuck you World." Nothing is going the way I hoped it would. Teachers are aggravating, and class are stupid and I'm just... Done. With living around people. With dealing with everything wrong in life because I'm expected to fix it. I'm done people a social person when all I want is to just sleep until summer comes.
I feel like I want all connections to me, cut off for just a day. I want to do something that I want, in the way I want to. Maybe just for once. And if it doesn't work, then yeah, it's my fault and you can blame me. But if I do something they way you want me to, and I fail. Why do I get yelled at? It wasn't my idea that didn't work out, it wasn't all my fault. It wasn't wasn't WASN'T.
I just... AUGH. Life is sucking, and I don't know how to fix it right now. I want friends to be able to talk to me about their problems, but sometimes they're so... They're just not looking at it the way I do, and trying to explain how I see frustrated them and they blow up at me. And I don't like being yelled at for trying to help.
I'm only trying to help... But you're not letting me. You ask me to help, but apparently I can't? It like... Ingraham. You're being told you're doing something wrong, but you go to find what you do wrong, and she tells you not to and to do it later. And then she points out the same mistake, and you ask her to explain why it's wrong, and she says to look it up. (But keep in mind you can't now, and have to do it later.) And it's just so frustrating. You can't look it up, and she won't tell you why it's wrong. But it's wrong.
Life is just so messed up right now. And I can't deal with it anymore, I'm not helping people much anyways, I'm just apparently getting in the way of everyone. And people are stepping on me, and I can feel myself getting shorter and shorter. And it's like trying to climb out of a hole, and you find that it's getting deeper and deeper, and there isn't really a way to get to the top because every time it gets deeper, you're being pushed down farther.
I don't really care for being kicked. I don't really care for Trevor suddenly being very clingy. He made me sit in his lap today, and when I tried to get up, he wouldn't let me. And when I was finally able to sit in my own chair, he kept tickling me. And it's pissing my off. I don't want him touching me, it's uncomfortable for me. Which technically makes it sexual harassment.
Don't people understand boundaries anymore? It's like there isn't any and never was. Like they're forgotten and put into the past. Like they maybe disappeared off the face of the Earth from now until eternity. I know you still understand boundaries. I'm glad someone still does.
People can be so incompetent at times. But really, I know they're just trying to do what's best. But I think somewhere in their mind, they know that what's best isn't really the right thing to do, so it's not really the best. Can't people just put their emotions aside and think rationally about the situation? Just for once.
I just really... Don't know anymore. Things are moving too fast. Too many cards are being bent and TJ is blowing up in my face. I feel like that is life. I am the card bender, and cards are events of my life, like Tarot Cards.
When I grow up and am out of college, I have a feeling I'm splitting from this place as fast as I can. I want the simple life, where things are easy to deal with. Where kids aren't expected to do so many things. I'll go live in the country. We'll get horses. Studies show that kids who ride and care for horses are more social adapt and also do better in school.
Temple Grandin gives so many examples in her book that I can relate to. She's autistic, you know? I want to be autistic. You can only feel simple emotions, like animals. If you love someone, you love someone no matter what and become very loyal. If you don't like someone, that's it. You just don't like them. It's that simple.
Unfortunately, life isn't like that. It's more complicated than anyone could ever comprehend and map out. It's more than people should deal with it. It's more than I want to deal with. People are changing, and it's not really for the better. I mean, I know I'm changing, but the only thing I've really noticed is my anti-socialness right now. And it's not that bad of a thing.
Nothing is ever that bad when you take emotions away from the situation... Nothing is ever as bad once the crisis has passed. It's never as bad when you look at it from someone elses perspective. Nothing is ever that bad... We just make it that way. We make it so everything is really that bad.
It's not like the end has come yet, it's not like we can say we've made it through life. We've only made it this far. But, I'm wishing right now that this could be the end. Of all the shit I've been through, of all the stressing, of all the annoying people who don't understand boundaries, of misunderstandings.
Can this be the end? Can I just sleep until it's all over...? At least when I sleep, I can't feel pain. Will you put me in a medicine induced coma until things in life get better? Or at least until the end of school... This should be the end of thinking, of mindless busy work, of all the stupid things people do because they let emotions get in the way of their decisions...
Can this just be the end?
Love,
Kailynn
June 15, 2010
Nostalgia
I guess I'm okay,
comparatively.
I guess I'm okay,
considering all things.
I guess I'm okay,
overall.
So many memories are pushing themselves into my mind, and I don't know how to sort through them all and place them to the right moment. They all blend, and they all crash. Memories that I've made at VSAA and memories that I've made with the people I go to school with.
Memories from sixth grade, like the one of TJ and his chocolate milk. And how Carr had us go around in a circle and introduce ourselves, and I said, "Hi. I'm me." And how because we talked so much Galeno separated us to different tables. I sat with... I don't remember. But I didn't talk. And I remember there was one time when I went to talk to stupid, and Mitchell Anderson, he called me stupid and annoying. Stuart laughed and I took offense. And, Angie Noack, best buddy in my opinion. She never forgot me.
And...
Memories of seventh grade, like Boston throwing up in MIA, after he said he wouldn't. And also in MIA, I beat Trevor at a Sudoku puzzle, even though I was helping him more than working on my own. And Tami in theater with Goff... "You smell good. You smell... tasty." And Boston drew this amazing poster when we studied religion in humanities. (Do you still have it, Boston, dear?) Oh! And Buddha and God in math class.
And... and...
And eighth grade, which doesn't seem that far away... Ms. White pulling me out in the hallway and asking me about my "relationship" (Yes, she used air quotes.) with Aaron. And the stupid core projects teachers put us through. And hanging out with Brooke Schnieder and making cupcakes. And emails, and the science project with Busch. I did Vitamin K (aka Potassium). And... and... Just everything good and sweet. (Like birthday parties where we get kicked out of movie theaters.)
And this year... Birthday parties, friends, mental breakdowns, biking, random parties,
and inside jokes:
Bang!
Yersh, your face is tweaked. (Wait, isn't that last year?)
dOn't think i'd fOrget this One. memorable. Oh yeah. dOn't yOu fOrget.
"You and your... Beyonce?"
And some I don't honestly remember that much...?
It's amazing to think that the beginning of school wasn't just last month. Wow, it's gone by in a flurry since I got my acceptance letter. A little too fast for me. There's no time to think anymore. There's no down time, something is always happening. And nothing I do can slow it down, nothing at all. All I can do is get swept up in the current.
And I'll get swept up in the current of emotions on the last day of school, because after that things will change. Things will be different. More exciting, more terrifying. I'm not really sure how my ability to handle it will be... It'll probably fall. I'll probably cry, I'll probably laugh. I will most likely caught up in a tidal wave of nostalgia. I'll bring my camera, take pictures, and remember the days.
I'll give hugs to as many people as I can. And just because I'm leaving doesn't mean that I still wont come back to visit. And when I do visit, I wont be every other month, it'll be more. Or at least I hope so. But I can't make promises that I'm not sure I can keep. I'll try my hardest to stay in touch, there's always Facebook. And most phones still work. At least I know mine does.
But there's so much I want to say to each and every person I see in the hallways, but... I just don't have enough time. As the day are being counted down, I'm wish that people would slow down... Things are moving too fast, and I'm getting startled by the sudden rapid pace. Can't we just relax... On the last day, I know I'm going to be wishing for another day. And if I got another day, it have me wishing for another day.
But... It's summer. Although it doesn't feel like it, it feels like spring. Like school shouldn't be getting out but instead we're going towards spring break. What happened to our beautiful that made it more believable that school is out on Tuesday. Can't we just slow down?
Can't I just have one more day?
comparatively.
I guess I'm okay,
considering all things.
I guess I'm okay,
overall.
So many memories are pushing themselves into my mind, and I don't know how to sort through them all and place them to the right moment. They all blend, and they all crash. Memories that I've made at VSAA and memories that I've made with the people I go to school with.
Memories from sixth grade, like the one of TJ and his chocolate milk. And how Carr had us go around in a circle and introduce ourselves, and I said, "Hi. I'm me." And how because we talked so much Galeno separated us to different tables. I sat with... I don't remember. But I didn't talk. And I remember there was one time when I went to talk to stupid, and Mitchell Anderson, he called me stupid and annoying. Stuart laughed and I took offense. And, Angie Noack, best buddy in my opinion. She never forgot me.
And...
Memories of seventh grade, like Boston throwing up in MIA, after he said he wouldn't. And also in MIA, I beat Trevor at a Sudoku puzzle, even though I was helping him more than working on my own. And Tami in theater with Goff... "You smell good. You smell... tasty." And Boston drew this amazing poster when we studied religion in humanities. (Do you still have it, Boston, dear?) Oh! And Buddha and God in math class.
And... and...
And eighth grade, which doesn't seem that far away... Ms. White pulling me out in the hallway and asking me about my "relationship" (Yes, she used air quotes.) with Aaron. And the stupid core projects teachers put us through. And hanging out with Brooke Schnieder and making cupcakes. And emails, and the science project with Busch. I did Vitamin K (aka Potassium). And... and... Just everything good and sweet. (Like birthday parties where we get kicked out of movie theaters.)
And this year... Birthday parties, friends, mental breakdowns, biking, random parties,
and inside jokes:
Bang!
Yersh, your face is tweaked. (Wait, isn't that last year?)
dOn't think i'd fOrget this One. memorable. Oh yeah. dOn't yOu fOrget.
"You and your... Beyonce?"
And some I don't honestly remember that much...?
It's amazing to think that the beginning of school wasn't just last month. Wow, it's gone by in a flurry since I got my acceptance letter. A little too fast for me. There's no time to think anymore. There's no down time, something is always happening. And nothing I do can slow it down, nothing at all. All I can do is get swept up in the current.
And I'll get swept up in the current of emotions on the last day of school, because after that things will change. Things will be different. More exciting, more terrifying. I'm not really sure how my ability to handle it will be... It'll probably fall. I'll probably cry, I'll probably laugh. I will most likely caught up in a tidal wave of nostalgia. I'll bring my camera, take pictures, and remember the days.
I'll give hugs to as many people as I can. And just because I'm leaving doesn't mean that I still wont come back to visit. And when I do visit, I wont be every other month, it'll be more. Or at least I hope so. But I can't make promises that I'm not sure I can keep. I'll try my hardest to stay in touch, there's always Facebook. And most phones still work. At least I know mine does.
But there's so much I want to say to each and every person I see in the hallways, but... I just don't have enough time. As the day are being counted down, I'm wish that people would slow down... Things are moving too fast, and I'm getting startled by the sudden rapid pace. Can't we just relax... On the last day, I know I'm going to be wishing for another day. And if I got another day, it have me wishing for another day.
But... It's summer. Although it doesn't feel like it, it feels like spring. Like school shouldn't be getting out but instead we're going towards spring break. What happened to our beautiful that made it more believable that school is out on Tuesday. Can't we just slow down?
Can't I just have one more day?
June 14, 2010
Macaroni!
I have decided that whenever there is nothing to eat in the fridge, go look in the cupboard and you'll find MAC AND CHEESE! And so, when I go anywhere in life, I think I'll find the nearest grocery store and stock the cupboard, because that's how I grew up. And I suppose I'm fine with having the only thing be those Kraft cheesy boxes, because at least it tastes good. I'll get fat eating macaroni, and I'm okay with that.
But the really cool thing is, the noodles come in so many different shapes. Like dinosaurs, spirals, regular, and Scooby Doo. It's rather amazing how many different types of noodles there are. And I only bring this up because tonight was one of the nights where there is nothing in the fridge, so I'm making some macaroni. And it's dinosaur shapped. I'm diggin' it.
Except that the stove needs to be cleaned, so... It's got a burnt smell, slightly. But, I'll clean it later. I've been working hard lately. I want a break. And it starts with some tastey extra cheesy Mac and Cheese. Because my stomach is rumbling.
But the really cool thing is, the noodles come in so many different shapes. Like dinosaurs, spirals, regular, and Scooby Doo. It's rather amazing how many different types of noodles there are. And I only bring this up because tonight was one of the nights where there is nothing in the fridge, so I'm making some macaroni. And it's dinosaur shapped. I'm diggin' it.
Except that the stove needs to be cleaned, so... It's got a burnt smell, slightly. But, I'll clean it later. I've been working hard lately. I want a break. And it starts with some tastey extra cheesy Mac and Cheese. Because my stomach is rumbling.
You Better Up That Dosage, Baby!
Now, I'm not sure what I'm referring to exactly that requires you to up that dosage, but do it anyway. Maybe it's just another dose of lovin' that I need to get me through the day. Which reminds me, I've been listening to Animals In Translation by Temple Grandin. And I have to say, the way I look at animals has really changed. And the way that I basically look at life in some ways. (Also, it in someways helping me study for my science final.)
So, according to scientific research concerning certain brain chemical levels, it is best to have a dog. Raising paternal behavior and also helping marriages. It transfers testosterone into estrogen, and raises the estrogen levels. The loving hormone. Therefore, I suppose I can conclude that having a dog around kids is best, and also, that when one gets married, the chances of it lasting longer is to have a child or a dog.
It has me wondering if most people that are loving and caring now, if they had puppies when they were growing up. And if cats produce the same results. Or is it dogs only? Here's something else for you, petting a dog is cathartic. It's calming, one of the things that raises your estrogen levels. So let's up that dosage of some good doggie loving.
I mean, who doesn't like dogs? Someone that doesn't like love, I suppose. Puppies are just the cutest thing to me, except... Well, maybe tiger cubs, but that's because I love tigers in generally. However, puppies are greater than tigers in my opinion. I just love dogs, they are my life.
I told my mom that when I'm older and move out of the house, I'm getting a big dog. From the humane society. And I told her my future husband is going to have to deal or else we can't be together. I don't care if that makes me... shallow? But, it's part of my life. And there has to be a dog in it, no matter what. I really like these high energy dogs, like Border Collies, Black Flat Coated Retrievers, and German Shepherds (I really like the white ones.)
But, also, I'm a huge fan of tiny dogs, like Long Smooth-haired Dachshunds, and also Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, they are just the most adorable. Dogs are the best. Doggies doggies doggies. I love love love them.
So, according to scientific research concerning certain brain chemical levels, it is best to have a dog. Raising paternal behavior and also helping marriages. It transfers testosterone into estrogen, and raises the estrogen levels. The loving hormone. Therefore, I suppose I can conclude that having a dog around kids is best, and also, that when one gets married, the chances of it lasting longer is to have a child or a dog.
It has me wondering if most people that are loving and caring now, if they had puppies when they were growing up. And if cats produce the same results. Or is it dogs only? Here's something else for you, petting a dog is cathartic. It's calming, one of the things that raises your estrogen levels. So let's up that dosage of some good doggie loving.
I mean, who doesn't like dogs? Someone that doesn't like love, I suppose. Puppies are just the cutest thing to me, except... Well, maybe tiger cubs, but that's because I love tigers in generally. However, puppies are greater than tigers in my opinion. I just love dogs, they are my life.
I told my mom that when I'm older and move out of the house, I'm getting a big dog. From the humane society. And I told her my future husband is going to have to deal or else we can't be together. I don't care if that makes me... shallow? But, it's part of my life. And there has to be a dog in it, no matter what. I really like these high energy dogs, like Border Collies, Black Flat Coated Retrievers, and German Shepherds (I really like the white ones.)
But, also, I'm a huge fan of tiny dogs, like Long Smooth-haired Dachshunds, and also Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, they are just the most adorable. Dogs are the best. Doggies doggies doggies. I love love love them.
June 13, 2010
Facebook...?
Facebook thinks I might be interested in this:
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Google vs. Yahoo
So, you know on Google how there is a search button and a "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. I've always wondered what that last one was, but never really got around to using it. So, today I thought I might test it out, by typing in "today is" and seeing what comes up.
It has taken me to a website. And it says...
"Today is...
Sunday, June 13th, 2010
Julian: 2455361
Day of Year: 164
Hebrew: 1st of Tamuz, 5770
Islamic: Sunday 1 Rajab 1431 A.H.
Chinese Year: 4708 Tiger (Metal-Tiger-27-29)
Chinese Lunar: Jia Wu Day, Ren Wu Moneth, Geng Tin Year
Chinese Solar: Day 2, Fifth Month, Geng Yin Year"
That sounds pretty intense that it would know this, and probably tell me what's going on tomorrow, tomorrow.
It also gives Quote of the Day: "The most effective way to do it, is to do it." -- Amelia Earhart
And Nature Quote of the Day: "Every drop in the ocean counts" --Yoko Ono
And Funny Quote of the Day: "Birth was the death of him." -- Samuel Beckett
And Love Quote of the Day: "Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
This website tells me there is no holiday today, but there are birthdays:
Mary-Kate Olsen (1986)
Sam Adams (1973)
Deniece Peterson (1968)
Jeff Brehaut (1963)
Bo Donaldson (1953)
And there are some deaths, how sad:
(1977) Tom C Clark
(1972) Clyde L Mcphatter
(1954) Nikolai Obouhov
(1749) Jan F van Bloemen
(1612) Charles van Croij
And some facts, This Day in History:
(1995) Indians' Dennis Martinez no hits Balt 11-0
(1996) Freeman in Montana give up to FBI after 81 days
(1995) New Jersey Devils beat Philadelphia Flyers, to go to their 1st Stanley Cup finals
(1994) Chicago Cub 2nd baseman Ryne Sandberg, retires due to poor play, he forfeits $15.7 million of his $25 million contract
(1994) Don Mattingly plays 1st base, 1,469 game for Yankees (2nd most)
Wow, those were boring facts... So here is your Daily Readings
"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who maintains covenant loyalty with those who love him and keep his commandments, to thousand generations." -- Deuteronomy 7:9 (NRSV)
Oh, and also, the current moon:
Waxing Crescent
3% of Full
So, you know on MLIA, how there is a Google vs. Yahoo war, well, let's check out what Yahoo has to say (Besides that I have 20 unread messages.) I typed in "today is" and up comes, as the first choice, a Wikipedia link. Yeah, yeah, "Today's date is June 13, 2010. It is a Sunday." Blah blah.
"Today may refer to:
Current events
Present, the time this is perceived directly, often called now."
(But even as I say now, it's already in the past.)
It gives a list of songs and albums titles "Today." They need new imaginations I suppose?
I think Google wins this. Wikipedia link was boring, thanks Yahoo, try again.
But let's test this out... When I go to Yahoo and type in "Yahoo is..." It finishes with "stupid." When I go to Google is says, "Yahoo is better than Google." Which one wins? Boston, can you help me decide which one wins?
It has taken me to a website. And it says...
"Today is...
Sunday, June 13th, 2010
Julian: 2455361
Day of Year: 164
Hebrew: 1st of Tamuz, 5770
Islamic: Sunday 1 Rajab 1431 A.H.
Chinese Year: 4708 Tiger (Metal-Tiger-27-29)
Chinese Lunar: Jia Wu Day, Ren Wu Moneth, Geng Tin Year
Chinese Solar: Day 2, Fifth Month, Geng Yin Year"
That sounds pretty intense that it would know this, and probably tell me what's going on tomorrow, tomorrow.
It also gives Quote of the Day: "The most effective way to do it, is to do it." -- Amelia Earhart
And Nature Quote of the Day: "Every drop in the ocean counts" --Yoko Ono
And Funny Quote of the Day: "Birth was the death of him." -- Samuel Beckett
And Love Quote of the Day: "Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
This website tells me there is no holiday today, but there are birthdays:
Mary-Kate Olsen (1986)
Sam Adams (1973)
Deniece Peterson (1968)
Jeff Brehaut (1963)
Bo Donaldson (1953)
And there are some deaths, how sad:
(1977) Tom C Clark
(1972) Clyde L Mcphatter
(1954) Nikolai Obouhov
(1749) Jan F van Bloemen
(1612) Charles van Croij
And some facts, This Day in History:
(1995) Indians' Dennis Martinez no hits Balt 11-0
(1996) Freeman in Montana give up to FBI after 81 days
(1995) New Jersey Devils beat Philadelphia Flyers, to go to their 1st Stanley Cup finals
(1994) Chicago Cub 2nd baseman Ryne Sandberg, retires due to poor play, he forfeits $15.7 million of his $25 million contract
(1994) Don Mattingly plays 1st base, 1,469 game for Yankees (2nd most)
Wow, those were boring facts... So here is your Daily Readings
"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who maintains covenant loyalty with those who love him and keep his commandments, to thousand generations." -- Deuteronomy 7:9 (NRSV)
Oh, and also, the current moon:
Waxing Crescent
3% of Full
So, you know on MLIA, how there is a Google vs. Yahoo war, well, let's check out what Yahoo has to say (Besides that I have 20 unread messages.) I typed in "today is" and up comes, as the first choice, a Wikipedia link. Yeah, yeah, "Today's date is June 13, 2010. It is a Sunday." Blah blah.
"Today may refer to:
Current events
Present, the time this is perceived directly, often called now."
(But even as I say now, it's already in the past.)
It gives a list of songs and albums titles "Today." They need new imaginations I suppose?
I think Google wins this. Wikipedia link was boring, thanks Yahoo, try again.
But let's test this out... When I go to Yahoo and type in "Yahoo is..." It finishes with "stupid." When I go to Google is says, "Yahoo is better than Google." Which one wins? Boston, can you help me decide which one wins?
June 12, 2010
What?
Laughing because now is the moment of hysteria. And no other time is better. Everything is funnier at four in the morning after pulling an all nighter. Yeah, that's practically me. Except... 32 hours of being awake. And most things seem really funny to me.
I'm very entertained by Red Remover. And also by the fact that my dog is licking my jeans. And Mindjolt Games on Facebook, playing Combine right now. And the colors mesh to create a new color. I find this amazing. The pattern, and way you piece the puzzle together.
Also, I really love this song. It makes me really happy, and I never hear it on the radio anymore, and it gets stuck in my head. I like singing it. It's a good song.
Oh, heck yeah! I just beat all of the levels on Red Remover, even the bonus levels. I win. It only took all last night, and this night. But I did it. But now I'm crashing, and so perhaps I should sleep. That's just a thought. I wish that I'd remember my dream come morning.
I'm very entertained by Red Remover. And also by the fact that my dog is licking my jeans. And Mindjolt Games on Facebook, playing Combine right now. And the colors mesh to create a new color. I find this amazing. The pattern, and way you piece the puzzle together.
Also, I really love this song. It makes me really happy, and I never hear it on the radio anymore, and it gets stuck in my head. I like singing it. It's a good song.
Oh, heck yeah! I just beat all of the levels on Red Remover, even the bonus levels. I win. It only took all last night, and this night. But I did it. But now I'm crashing, and so perhaps I should sleep. That's just a thought. I wish that I'd remember my dream come morning.
What Is This Life We Live?
Listen.
Why is it that now that spring is over, all these spring flings are over? Is it time for summer romance? Meeting a hot guy down at the beach and just having fun knowing that when summer is over, you'll forget about it and go on with life. Is that how it is? A lot of people seem to be seeking more attention during the summer, it's made clear by the low cut tops, and the low riding jeans you see on girls. I would mention that guys are walking around without shirts on showing off their abs, but I guess I sort of find that normal.
I don't find it weird that girls are wanting to seek attention, I just find it stupid that they think the only way is by looks. I used to care a lot about looks. But not like the obsessive oh-my-God-is-a-hair-out-of-place? but more just a, do I look mature? Do I look decent in comparison to others? Must cut down on fatty foods and exercise... kind of way. Why is it that we rely on looks to get us through life?
I'd be find to just be a bum, wear plaid everyday and have a tear in my jeans that was from wearing them so often, and not purposefully there. What's the point in wearing jeans like that when you're paying $80 for something you can do at home with sandpaper and paint. I don't see the point when you can get a perfectly good pair of jeans, hole free, for about $6 at Goodwill.
Why do we pay so much for good looks now? We want to stand out, be different and be noticed for once. Can't everyone look the same at school and just be there to learn? I think uniforms are an amazing idea, minus the fact girls have to wear skirts. But, I'd deal with that, and get used to that. I'm really glad that at our school no one is really flaunting wealth and status.
Haha. What am I kidding? Lots of people flaunt it at our school. However, I'm hoping that most of it is unintentional. Speaking of school, I can't believe that VSAA is losing so many teachers at the end of next year. Chartrey and Ms. White. I just can't believe that. I mean, I've been with Ms. White since kindergarten at Hough for arts block. And now she's retiring.
She's taught me a lot of life lessons. And she's a wonderful teacher that has affected so many students lives. And now she's leaving. But, I guess that was inevitable. She's been saying that she'll retire soon anyway, and now it's finally happening. And I can except that.
But, what I don't want to accept is that O'Bannion thinks Chartrey is more suited for River than for VSAA. I feel like he'd be so much better there. River students are probably used to change, but we're such a small school. And most students will have to adjust to a new band teacher, even though Chartrey has been there since their first year of band, and now changing teachers.
I mean, I know how much substitutes annoy me because it messes up the repetition of life. So, think about after 5 years for some, a new band teacher. That's sure to mess them up. But, maybe it's for the better. Maybe River really does need him more. I guess I don't want to accept that O'Bannion requested he go to River.
I suppose it's time to put new strings on this old guitar. I guess it's just time for change. But too many things are changing at the moment. It's hard to grasp onto ideas. Facebook is changing constantly, I'm changing constantly and so are you. And sometimes change isn't a good thing. It's scary when everything starts changing all at the same time. You don't know what to expect.
When you turn the corner, you don't know if it's safe or if someone is waiting to jump you and steal your lunch money. You just don't know. And all this uncertainty is driving me crazy. What am I suppose to think? Know, feel, be catch, release, throw, do, make...? What am I?
Am I just a pawn in this giant complex chess game you happen to be playing? Or am I your king (No, I know I'm not a guy, but this is my analogy.), and your only goal is to protect me? Or do you consider me a knight? And I protect you, the defender. What am I to you? What am I to the world? What is this master plan that I have no knowledge about?
Can I just not understand, because it's easier on my tiny brain? And also, I think my Internet is trying to tell me something by constantly disconnecting. I should continue on in studying for my final, but I found about 5 chapters worth of notes, so if there's only about 4 more to cover, I figure I can take some time off to hammer out a nice blog post and listening to amazing music by Sara Bareilles.
I'm not sure what to do with today, though. I want to go do something, but without my bike, there isn't far to go. Perhaps I'll go down to the park, and read some. Reading is always a good thing. It allows us to grow. But here's a thought book related: I would like, just once, for a teacher to say, "Class read this book because it's amazing. Don't analyze it. Just read. At the end of (whenever) we shall have a class discussion and a vocab test." Because, we should stop with the analyzing of books. It makes me want to not read them, and dread the test that comes after it. So, let's just read a book because it's a good book.
That's what I'm going to go do now. Read a good book, because I think it's a good book. Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination.
Well reading for a little bit was nice, but it's way too quiet outside. There was no one out there. Just an empty field. It was weird. Perhaps I'll go back to internet games and laundry. If I get enough laundry done, I can go to Pop Culture tonight.
Why is it that now that spring is over, all these spring flings are over? Is it time for summer romance? Meeting a hot guy down at the beach and just having fun knowing that when summer is over, you'll forget about it and go on with life. Is that how it is? A lot of people seem to be seeking more attention during the summer, it's made clear by the low cut tops, and the low riding jeans you see on girls. I would mention that guys are walking around without shirts on showing off their abs, but I guess I sort of find that normal.
I don't find it weird that girls are wanting to seek attention, I just find it stupid that they think the only way is by looks. I used to care a lot about looks. But not like the obsessive oh-my-God-is-a-hair-out-of-place? but more just a, do I look mature? Do I look decent in comparison to others? Must cut down on fatty foods and exercise... kind of way. Why is it that we rely on looks to get us through life?
I'd be find to just be a bum, wear plaid everyday and have a tear in my jeans that was from wearing them so often, and not purposefully there. What's the point in wearing jeans like that when you're paying $80 for something you can do at home with sandpaper and paint. I don't see the point when you can get a perfectly good pair of jeans, hole free, for about $6 at Goodwill.
Why do we pay so much for good looks now? We want to stand out, be different and be noticed for once. Can't everyone look the same at school and just be there to learn? I think uniforms are an amazing idea, minus the fact girls have to wear skirts. But, I'd deal with that, and get used to that. I'm really glad that at our school no one is really flaunting wealth and status.
Haha. What am I kidding? Lots of people flaunt it at our school. However, I'm hoping that most of it is unintentional. Speaking of school, I can't believe that VSAA is losing so many teachers at the end of next year. Chartrey and Ms. White. I just can't believe that. I mean, I've been with Ms. White since kindergarten at Hough for arts block. And now she's retiring.
She's taught me a lot of life lessons. And she's a wonderful teacher that has affected so many students lives. And now she's leaving. But, I guess that was inevitable. She's been saying that she'll retire soon anyway, and now it's finally happening. And I can except that.
But, what I don't want to accept is that O'Bannion thinks Chartrey is more suited for River than for VSAA. I feel like he'd be so much better there. River students are probably used to change, but we're such a small school. And most students will have to adjust to a new band teacher, even though Chartrey has been there since their first year of band, and now changing teachers.
I mean, I know how much substitutes annoy me because it messes up the repetition of life. So, think about after 5 years for some, a new band teacher. That's sure to mess them up. But, maybe it's for the better. Maybe River really does need him more. I guess I don't want to accept that O'Bannion requested he go to River.
I suppose it's time to put new strings on this old guitar. I guess it's just time for change. But too many things are changing at the moment. It's hard to grasp onto ideas. Facebook is changing constantly, I'm changing constantly and so are you. And sometimes change isn't a good thing. It's scary when everything starts changing all at the same time. You don't know what to expect.
When you turn the corner, you don't know if it's safe or if someone is waiting to jump you and steal your lunch money. You just don't know. And all this uncertainty is driving me crazy. What am I suppose to think? Know, feel, be catch, release, throw, do, make...? What am I?
Am I just a pawn in this giant complex chess game you happen to be playing? Or am I your king (No, I know I'm not a guy, but this is my analogy.), and your only goal is to protect me? Or do you consider me a knight? And I protect you, the defender. What am I to you? What am I to the world? What is this master plan that I have no knowledge about?
Can I just not understand, because it's easier on my tiny brain? And also, I think my Internet is trying to tell me something by constantly disconnecting. I should continue on in studying for my final, but I found about 5 chapters worth of notes, so if there's only about 4 more to cover, I figure I can take some time off to hammer out a nice blog post and listening to amazing music by Sara Bareilles.
I'm not sure what to do with today, though. I want to go do something, but without my bike, there isn't far to go. Perhaps I'll go down to the park, and read some. Reading is always a good thing. It allows us to grow. But here's a thought book related: I would like, just once, for a teacher to say, "Class read this book because it's amazing. Don't analyze it. Just read. At the end of (whenever) we shall have a class discussion and a vocab test." Because, we should stop with the analyzing of books. It makes me want to not read them, and dread the test that comes after it. So, let's just read a book because it's a good book.
That's what I'm going to go do now. Read a good book, because I think it's a good book. Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination.
Well reading for a little bit was nice, but it's way too quiet outside. There was no one out there. Just an empty field. It was weird. Perhaps I'll go back to internet games and laundry. If I get enough laundry done, I can go to Pop Culture tonight.
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