A Sensation

Whenever Sammi writes something, I'm always trying to figure out what it may mean, but I never understand. It never makes sense. But, there's a part of me that wishes that I could write like her. That I could say something and leave someone completely baffeled. Yet at the same time, I like it when people can understand what I'm saying.

Screw some of those words strung together that sound poetic but leave this huge vauge questioning about what it could mean. Pssh to the double meanings and the triple meanings. I've tried finding the true meaning and come up with thousands, none of which fit. Is this your way of telling me to become more educated and think less logically, and more metaphorically?

Maybe when I live a little less of a fruitless life, maybe then I'll understand the meaning. And the purpose. Maybe then I'll understand where I am on this Earth. Where I was placed for everyone to see and to look at. Maybe, just maybe. But there are too many mabyes in this world, and not enough certainty.

I had a talk with my mom today while we were driving into Salt Lake City, and it was about the Book or Mormon. And really, it's not that old. And the thought of some angel coming down and handing hime gold plates to translate just seems really... Well, it seems silly to me. It's been less than 200 years.

And things that happened in those books... And the places they talk about. I can't go to those places, I can't see those things. There is no refference except the supposed gold plates for him to translate. But the Bible, there is provided references. These places are real.

But I still don't believe that the world was created in seven days. We evolved over time, and then we did some more evolving. And then a little more.It's just how history is shown. History in the making. "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift." -- Elenore Roosevelt.

So let's be Zen and just let nature talk to us, teach is wisdom through meditation and becoming one with the spirits. The only way to gain wisdom is through nature, and the only walk to speak to nature is though meditiations. So, maybe I'll meditate. And maybe I'll gain wisdom as to who I am and what my purpose is.

Maybe some sleep will clear up my mind from it's fogged state. Fog like that of a room crowded with smokers that light up each time their previous burns out. Like the haze of hairspray that overly sprizted around the room when my mom is getting ready for work. Or like the smog from the factory we passes in Utah that blew it's toxic fumes across the flat lands, growing until it reached the level height of the hill like flat top mountains.

Maybe I'll drink some more water. But the condensation that has collected is spill down the sides, hitting my legs whenever I go to take a swig. The water is still cold and I can tell that because the part of the water bottle that still has melted ice in it is still orange, and the top where water hasn't been for awhile has faded back into white.

I feel like bugs are crawling all over me, but only because of the show I'm watching. Bugs covered her bed, and crawled over her. And now I feel like bugs are crawling on my skin and the need to brush them off is huge. But I know I'm just imagining things. It was only the sight that made my skin feel like it was manafestied with creepy crawlies.

The feeling is similar to, but less pleasent, than the feeling of air moving across your leg when you pull it out of the water after dangling it over the edge into the pool water. It's less of a cold feeling, and more of just... And odd tingly sensation. But that's all everything really is.

A sensation.
And lovely one.
A hurtful one.
A scary one.
An... unpredictable one.
It's only a sensation.
Of the heart.
Of the mind.
Of the soul.