Way To Go, Mr. Coffee

I use both hands now.

I was enthralled with his beautiful trust in me.

Way to go, Mr. Coffee. 

I did feel rather pushed around by both of them.

Yes, I'm that person.

I make it a point to not take for granted the life I am living.

To achieve such a glorious experience.

His body was indeed mine to care for. 

In such an intimate exchange.

I found it to be one of those moments.

Where everything happens at the perfect time.

And the only result is gratitude.

If we're listening to music in the car.

I will get obsessed with a song I love.

And play it again and again.

I had no idea that she actually understood traffic signals. 

Wars, foreign policies, economic meltdowns, immigration laws.

Back to back endlessly to my hearts delight then I will go.

Cheers to anybody who takes on English as a second language.

Remind the DJ I would like to hear it again.

State of the union addresses, military budgets, pomp.

Closed door meetings, state secrets, police forces.

Fear.

It can be confusing.

Singing along, tapping along with the beat. 

Either kicking his legs.

All point to what Jesus referred to as the Kingdom of the World.

We have quite the collection outside the front door. 

Since sticks are not allowed inside.

Though this statement is not new to me.

It is a new revelation of times before

Did you ever consider the humble kite as such a nice lesson in worldliness? 

Hopefully they heal fast though.

Acceptance is the best heart's defense.

It means that you can find the serenity within to let go of the past. 

With its mistakes and regrets.

No matter how dark the situation.

Move into the future with a new perspective. 

And appreciate the opportunity to take a second chance.

No arms to wrap around someone. 

No hands to experience touch. 

Or to hold another hand with.

My mind is consumed with no other thoughts.

Let me always hold on to the steady light of hope.

I'm Sorry. 

Life is swamping me right now.

Still waiting.

Still believing.

Word Compilations

Most of my writings lately have been just trains of thought. 
That jump between happy and devastating moments in life.

It's not dark outside yet, but I'm sure that now the sun is setting faster than before.
Except, not really because the Earth is revolving just as fast as it was this morning.
And the day before and the day before. 

We still make paper hats together. 
We put mustaches on people because it reminds us of you. 
I love this daydream

Laugh.
Crying isn't weak.
It's my vice. 
We're all stupid...

I just have so much insecurity on my own, it's hard to reassure myself and someone else. 
Just making sure he didn't stop existing. 
Because then I would have to run through the streets crying to get across town to his house. 
And frankly that it was more sad than I could ever deal with.  

To double check.

We learn together.
Grow together.
And understand each other. 

Just to let yourself be you. 
And you're getting stronger.

I wish you could see things I do.
You're not going to follow my train of thoughts tonight... 
They're more like segways than trains.  
To move on from here. 


I want them to learn to trust me.
I've never been too fond of them. 
Purple cups.
I will always listen.

Scrambled is the way for me.  
Going every direction.  
It's my way of thinking and communicating and breathing.

With words.
Poetry brought us together.
I've fallen in love with you.

Question.
If you were perfect, would I have ever managed to deserve you?
You are perfect in my eyes.
Because you aren't.  


You can go places and do anything you want.
You give me hope and inspiration.

I can control my natural instinct of in taking breath.

What do I do now?

I Have A Dying Remote

My new discovery, which makes you really happy is that you can add a location to your blog posts as well as have statistics about page views on your blog. This makes me really happy. But, with this background and design, unfortunately, you aren't able to see when I post, say from, Portland, OR. It doesn't show up at the bottom of the post. And I wish you could.

So perhaps it's time for some more change, because I'm indesisive, and like exploring. Maybe I'll find a template that shows the location at the bottom. And maybe I'll do some location crazy when I do some blogging. Walk down to the library, post from there. Head to my aunt's house, and blog from there. Maybe I'll head to a Starbucks in Portland, and blog from there.

But for today, I suppose I'll just blog from home. Because, even though the weather has cooled down, I'm not up to much walking. But I should soon get my bike back, I haven't made it down there to ride it back home. But before the summer ends, perhaps I'll grab it. I need it for the start of school anyway.

Or maybe, my dear Mother if you still read this, you'll give me a ride to Bay every morning because you know you love me and you should be up by seven in the morning in general. You could get to the office early, talk to Russ and go through e-mails that I know accumulate over the week from 0 to 5 million. (We also still need to check on the bus information to see if the bus number changes or anything else. All I know is that I need to be there at 7.)

[Also, Mom, if my Google Calender still shows up with yours on your phone, maybe, maybe not. I'm adding some events, like your Linfield Alumni thing, library book sale and WACAP thing.]

Anyways, what's new in the world of mine? Let's see.

1. I've got a pair of cowboy boots, that fit me well and that I will definately be wearing more often, maybe when it's not quite so hot outside, but definitely some day during the Fair. Because I love them! Granted, I might need some thicker socks or just one band aid for my heel, but other than that, they're pretty darn amazing.
2. I'm still eating three meals a day instead of two. I'm actually waking up in time to call it breakfast instead of lunch. Thank you new sleeping patter. I got a nice 8 hours of sleep and am feeling less sleepy than usual. 
3. Lately, I've been drinking more water, which is good during the summer. I think it's because of my color changing water bottle. When there's cold water, it's orange, and when the water warms, it slowly turns back to white. I find it really fun to have when there's ice cubes in it.
4. I'm watching the Maury show, and I'm really confused as to why no one knows who their baby's daddy is. They just can't keep it straight. Are the movies teaching us infidelity, or do people really just find interest in someone else that fast? Some of these people have has 10 DNA paternity tests and still don't know who the father is. When I have a baby, I sure as hell will know who my baby's father is.
5. You're online, but I'm still waiting for you to start the conversation. I'm not sure why, but, that's just how it is. You usually start it, and I wait for it. I sometimes feel like I may be interrupting. I mean, your status is set on busy. Are you still being a moody teenager?
6. Boston, I'm waiting for your blog posts, because I love reading them, they're so poetic. And compared to what I write, seemingly more interesting to me. Maybe because reading about your own life isn't as interesting as reading about others. You know what I mean? We like gossip about others, but not about ourselves.
7. This book I'm reading has my hooked, and I only started it this morning and have read 256 pages out of 337 pages. So, I reckon I'm pretty far along. It's Western romance novel, so it goes well with my cowboy boots. And I don't mind reading the sections describing Jake. (Hehehe. I wouldn't mind if you were more like him. Just kidding.)
8. I have found that I really like the sound the keyboard makes when I type really fast, it makes me feeling like I should be in an office typing up some documents for my boss. And I like that feeling, and the sound. Maybe if my plans don't work out, I'll be an assistant, because you know, I'm good at organizations and working with phones and computers. Mommy, I'll be a secretary! Does that sound better than, "Mommy, I want to be a cowgirl!"?
9. I'd like to head out west and ride some horses. But I wont have to do that, I'll just ask my mom if she'll take me to my aunts, and perhaps I can ride Moon still. She's getting old, but I think she's still young enough to be ridden. I'll have to ask Mike.
10. There are sounds outside my window, and I'm having some trouble judging the distance between them and my window. Like if it's cars on the street, or going up the big hill toward Safeway. Or if it's a car or a truck. And why is there a baby whining? Last night I heard kids shrieking. And I'm sure it was coming from next door.

My TV is old, the kinds with anteaeas and with a built in VHS player. Which might explain why the remote is falling apart. The back is missing, you know, the part that keeps the batteries in? And you can break it apart so it looks something like this. It happens when it accidentially gets knocked off the bed. And the batteries skatter as well. My poor old remote.

A Sensation

Whenever Sammi writes something, I'm always trying to figure out what it may mean, but I never understand. It never makes sense. But, there's a part of me that wishes that I could write like her. That I could say something and leave someone completely baffeled. Yet at the same time, I like it when people can understand what I'm saying.

Screw some of those words strung together that sound poetic but leave this huge vauge questioning about what it could mean. Pssh to the double meanings and the triple meanings. I've tried finding the true meaning and come up with thousands, none of which fit. Is this your way of telling me to become more educated and think less logically, and more metaphorically?

Maybe when I live a little less of a fruitless life, maybe then I'll understand the meaning. And the purpose. Maybe then I'll understand where I am on this Earth. Where I was placed for everyone to see and to look at. Maybe, just maybe. But there are too many mabyes in this world, and not enough certainty.

I had a talk with my mom today while we were driving into Salt Lake City, and it was about the Book or Mormon. And really, it's not that old. And the thought of some angel coming down and handing hime gold plates to translate just seems really... Well, it seems silly to me. It's been less than 200 years.

And things that happened in those books... And the places they talk about. I can't go to those places, I can't see those things. There is no refference except the supposed gold plates for him to translate. But the Bible, there is provided references. These places are real.

But I still don't believe that the world was created in seven days. We evolved over time, and then we did some more evolving. And then a little more.It's just how history is shown. History in the making. "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift." -- Elenore Roosevelt.

So let's be Zen and just let nature talk to us, teach is wisdom through meditation and becoming one with the spirits. The only way to gain wisdom is through nature, and the only walk to speak to nature is though meditiations. So, maybe I'll meditate. And maybe I'll gain wisdom as to who I am and what my purpose is.

Maybe some sleep will clear up my mind from it's fogged state. Fog like that of a room crowded with smokers that light up each time their previous burns out. Like the haze of hairspray that overly sprizted around the room when my mom is getting ready for work. Or like the smog from the factory we passes in Utah that blew it's toxic fumes across the flat lands, growing until it reached the level height of the hill like flat top mountains.

Maybe I'll drink some more water. But the condensation that has collected is spill down the sides, hitting my legs whenever I go to take a swig. The water is still cold and I can tell that because the part of the water bottle that still has melted ice in it is still orange, and the top where water hasn't been for awhile has faded back into white.

I feel like bugs are crawling all over me, but only because of the show I'm watching. Bugs covered her bed, and crawled over her. And now I feel like bugs are crawling on my skin and the need to brush them off is huge. But I know I'm just imagining things. It was only the sight that made my skin feel like it was manafestied with creepy crawlies.

The feeling is similar to, but less pleasent, than the feeling of air moving across your leg when you pull it out of the water after dangling it over the edge into the pool water. It's less of a cold feeling, and more of just... And odd tingly sensation. But that's all everything really is.

A sensation.
And lovely one.
A hurtful one.
A scary one.
An... unpredictable one.
It's only a sensation.
Of the heart.
Of the mind.
Of the soul.

Helloooooo.

Hello to my Followers.

I see that we have a new follower, and actually, a few that I don't know. I'd like to know more about me, since I'm sure that you can find quite a few things about me in these writing rants and ramblings. Perhaps you'll e-mail me about some things. I'll listen to what you have to say.

I'm sorry I don't have much to write anymore, my mind is focusing more on American Dad, and blowing bubbles with my chewing gum. Maybe I'll write later tonight. Then again, maybe I wont. Wait... It's not even night yet here in Nebraska.